Err, you want to write a book, and you've got two paragraphs? Ain't gonna happen. Every story I tried to write by just sitting down and writing went nowhere. I think it would be far more efficient to figure out your characters and the general plot structure before tossing a single word onto paper. Maybe you've done this, maybe you haven't. But I recommend it. Simply writing a taste with a "Gee, what's going on here?" feel isn't enough. You'll eventually find yourself trying to solve your mysteries like a reader, which typically leads to far less satisfying solutions, and a generally convoluted feel to the entire piece.

maybe i'm being picky, but wouldn't the fact that it was dark be the first thing someone would notice when they wake up, seeing as how, generally, there aren't that many streetlights where explorers tread.

and some description of where this is happening would be an idea. somehow i had 'jungle' in mind, but you dont mention that.

lol!

Back when my grammar and spelling didn't suck, I used to enjoy writing.

Spice up your writing up a bit...try to put the reader right in the middle, instead of just narrating what happened. I was bored tonight, so I decided to pick on your story, and make it a little scarier. Here's my shot at it....

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"Dave woke, unexpectedly blinded by the veil of night. A cool breeze swirled around the cave, bringing with it the retched smell of death. He reached out for Nicoto, and only grabbed cool stone and dirt. Panicked, he sprang to his feet, not knowing exactly which way to go. He scurried forward on hands and knees, toward the only shape he could make out; a blurry silouette of light cast on the inner walls of the cave. As his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, the image came into focus. Dave simultaneously screamed and vomited. His soul, bludgeoned by what he saw, spewed forth an objection that both splattered and ricochet off the cave walls, like an explosion.

Hovering two feet in the air; both suspended and impaled by an undulating, organic spear, was his beautiful Nicoto. She stared at him with the wet, glazed, eyes of some surreal china doll.

Dave bolted towards her, releasing a whooping scream, that ended with a 'gasp' and a 'crunch', as his head smashed into an unseen rock-wall. He was oblivious to the pain, and kept moving, not even aware that his nose was no longer perpendicular to his face.

Then she was gone.

The world went black, as Dave's trajectory, and only light source, was blocked by some massive moving wall. As he hit it, and felt its wet, scaley texture, he was jarred with a moment of terrifying clarity. This was a dream! Her dream! This was the haunting vision that tore at Nicotos mind while she slept. The nightmare that she spoke of seldom, and cried over often.

He was in Nicotos mind! He would be witness to her greatest torment; the gruesome vision of her own brutal end. He looked up into the smoldering face, of the demon he had just collided with, and thought he saw a faint, evil, smirk, right before it grasped his head and lifted him from the ground. He heard a wet mechanical 'whirrr' of the creatures cyberorganic tentacles, as they flew towards his face. The fingers peirced his eardrums in an explosion of pain, as they forced their way through his ear cavity, and into his brain. The world went electric blue, as the creature spoke directly to his mind, informing him of his penalty. " You walk where no man need treaspass. Your fathers paid the price, with the blood of their earth. Return to your ship, and leave this planet....or die!"

Dave woke, unexpectedly blinded by a warm bloom of morning sun. He reached out for Nicoto, relieved when his hand met her warm skin. She was awake, also....

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Alright, someone add the next chapter.

somehow, books that begin in the middle of something, always seemed to cheat me out of something, i cannot explain it, but..

in this one, the dude wakes up to an event already in progress..

anywho's, my wife hounds me at least once a week to write a book, she says i have a talent for it.. i tell her, i cannot even capture snarkpits attention most times, how could i capture peoples who don't even know me?

/ 2 cents

How about this:

Bleak......Dismal....bad.

These words fluttered uneasily in and throughout the outer rim of Casey's thoughts as he and Jamie made their way across the vast landscape which lay around them. Sharp upwardly spiral outcroppings of blood red rocks had started to dot the horizon.A stark contrast to the Indigo sky. In casey's mind , he saw them as a bad omen. Tall craggy spectres of ill will, beckoning them towards god knows what else.

Maybe leaving basecamp was a bad idea, still, he put on a brave face for her. Lord knows she was already in a bad way since the attacks. The fact that she had made it this far was testament to her will and strength , but there seemed to be a growing somberness to her cadence of late, and he wondered just how much more she had in her. There was a line that she should'nt cross, and he knew it was just a blood red stones throw away. It was in her eyes. Still, he forged on as if all was well. Casey knew there was practically no chance for a happy ending here. Hell, there was NO chance really. This was becoming more and more difficult to shield from her though. "Just keep moving" he thought.

By day three(earth time) they had reached the mid-afternoon sky of the planets slow lumbering cycle. There was at least 60 kilometers they had to cover before the long lightless nightfall would set in, and Casey was determined to keep up the pace. The rock formations had begun to increase in numbers, a good sign(If there was such a thing in this case) that the Mountainous region of Fane county was looming somewhere closer in the distance. He had managed to shoot a couple of stench lizards they had stumbled across, sleeping in the dark purple shadows of the hot afternoon sun. He pretended they were a true delicacy as he peeled the tough sour meat from the bones of the carcass. He made a sushi joke and Jamie smiled. That was a moment. Her radiance cast a shallow glow over the terrible situation. It was like a small vacation mentally, from the current reality.Very small.

Day 5. After so much nothingness it almost struck him in the face. The visual blast of the smooth surfaced monolith emerging from between the jagged rocks was unsettling to say the least. Dusk would give way to the night in less than two days E.T. and the first sun had already settled behind the now visible mountainous horizon of Fane county. The late lazy shadows of the second sunset cast a greenish pall over the ruines scribed into the monolith. Jamie approached the monolith and ran her fingers gently over the strange characters. She drew soft circles over them, like a blind man seeking out character in a strangers face. She looked but did not see. Casey saw though. He wanted nothing to do with their terrible message.He also knew they had a good chance now of finding the entrance to the cave. If good was he right word to use.It probably was'nt.

whaddaya think?

PS my apologies for using the original characters, I only wanted to embellish his idea in the hopes of giving inspiration.