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Official Joke Thread
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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by fishy on Mon Aug 22nd at 9:17pm 2005

personally, i've decided to boycott this thread. anyone that wants to give credibility to win98 doesn't need to join me.

anyone that disagrees should probably go here to meet o lot of likeminded people.




i eat paint



Quote
 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Windows 98 on Mon Aug 22nd at 10:17pm 2005

Ok, the point is your all off topic, and the point is to leave jokes. not complaints



http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8521/windows981dk.jpg

Nickelplate is my dad



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by French Toast on Mon Aug 22nd at 10:21pm 2005

Where is Gwil? He disappeared.




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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Dred_furst on Mon Aug 22nd at 10:28pm 2005

He's in austrailia this year,



I need a new sig



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by French Toast on Mon Aug 22nd at 11:11pm 2005

Ah, that would explain...

Okay, most awesomest joke ever;

A priest and a raabi walk into the mall. The priest says "Hey, let's get that ham". And the raabi says "no. No I can't eat it."







Quote
 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Windows 98 on Mon Aug 22nd at 11:59pm 2005

One time 2 priests and a rabbi decide to have a picnic of sorts.They pack some lunch and hop on a boat and row out onto the water. They open their lunch basket thing and take out their samdwhiches. Just then a rabbi takes a bite out of his sandwhich and says "Oh snap! forgot my mayo". So he jumps off the boat and walks on the water all the way to the shore and goes gets some mayo. When he gets back the other rabbi says "Oh man, i forgot the dessert over on that picnic table on shore. Ill be right back". So the rabbi hops off the boat and walks on the water over to the shore and back. Now the priest is like WTF. So he says, "Hey, Ill be right back"and hops off the boat. But instead of walking he falls into the water and drowns. One rabbi looks to the other and says "Do you think we should've told him about the stepping rocks?"



http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8521/windows981dk.jpg

Nickelplate is my dad



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Myrk- on Tue Aug 23rd at 12:27am 2005

OMG YOUR SO RACIST LOLZOR!

Nah that was a good one :P I like rabbi jokes <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif">




-[Better to be Honest than Kind]-



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Dark Tree on Tue Aug 23rd at 12:35am 2005

A guy walks into a bar and says ouch.




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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Dr Brasso on Tue Aug 23rd at 1:00am 2005

look, i like to laff my ass off just as much or more as the next guy, but come on ....theres a big difference in racialy oriented jokes that celebrate and revere our colors and cultural differences, and those that use the guise of humor to defile and defame a color or culture.....biiiig difference.....ive been shot at by and with people of all colors, and go figure, its all pink and bloody when the insides are on the outside....just think about what it is yer saying, and the ramifications of saying it.....itll be a trait the world will respect, and it might keep you from taking that "karmic" ass-kickin' yer looking at.....

my final two cents.....i hope.

Doc B...:dodgy:





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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by jake on Tue Aug 23rd at 1:26am 2005

Did you hear about the gynaecologist who wallpapered his hallway through the letter-box?




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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by French Toast on Tue Aug 23rd at 1:28am 2005

It would probably be funnier if I knew what the hell a gynaecologist was. I still laughed though <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif">




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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Hugh on Tue Aug 23rd at 1:36am 2005

They're doctors for a lady's funny parts.



One day you'll know what you're talking about, I can hardly imagine

Maps! - Audio blog!



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Nickelplate on Tue Aug 23rd at 1:55am 2005

? quoting Hugh
They're doctors for a lady's funny parts.

Word. Vaginas are weird.




I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com



Quote
 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Dr Brasso on Tue Aug 23rd at 2:36am 2005

ahhh....but there is no substitute...

Doc B...

and you think vaginas are weird....wait till ya have to deal with the wrapping
for the rest of your days...





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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by nooba on Tue Aug 23rd at 8:21am 2005

What do you call an overweight alien? An extra cholesterol. (I thought it was funny.)




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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Myrk- on Tue Aug 23rd at 11:26pm 2005

? quoting Dr Brasso
ahhh....but there is no substitute...

One site told me there is, its like an electric one :P




-[Better to be Honest than Kind]-



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by French Toast on Tue Aug 23rd at 11:28pm 2005

Fleshlight?



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by Nickelplate on Tue Aug 23rd at 11:32pm 2005

? quoting French Toast
Fleshlight?

d00d! I get popups for that ALL THE TIME when I am searching for torrent files!~

Haven't bought one yet... yet..




I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by BlisTer on Wed Aug 24th at 1:40am 2005

? quote:


Heisenberg was driving in his car when he was pulled over for speeding:
Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going, sir!?"
Heisenberg: "No, I've no idea. However I knew exactly where I was!"

If you don't get this joke, count yourself lucky, and call me a nerd.


<img src=" SRC="images/smiles/icon_wink.gif">

----

a dutch guy and belgian get caught by a tribe on an island. tribe leader lets them live for 2 conditions

-collect 100 pieces of the same fruit
-bring them to the tribe for 2nd task

off they go. the belgian arrives first with 100 berries. "good", says the tribe leader, "now stick them in your arse 1 by 1 and you'll live". and so it goes. Its hard but he seems to be getting there. but alas, at the 99th he starts laughing and out they all come, after which he gets barbequed by the tribe.

In heaven, Peter asks "why the hell did you start laughing ?! you were almost there !"
-"i saw the dutch guy arriving with coconuts"

----

On the bus, a guy spots a nun Sister and is extremely sexually attracted to her. He goes over and tells how he feels. "Jesus is the only man in my life" she replies. After she gets off the bus, the busdriver tells the guy: "i know her, she prays every morning at the riverside, maybe pay her a visit and try to get lucky?"

Next morning, the guy appears, dressed up like Jesus, walking over the river on poles which he placed there that night. He walks over to her, saying "I'm Jesus, here to consume my marriage".

"Jesus?.. Is.. is that really you? Oh but ofcourse i will grant your request. Unfortunately i have my periods <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/sad.gif">" she says

"I will consume you from behind then", he says, and so it happens.

After a while the guy gets remorse and confesses: "ehm, i'm terribly sorry, i'm not really Jesus"

Upon which she turns around, takes off her cape and says: "Oh thats no problem silly, i'm not really that nun, i'm the busdriver !!"


These words are my diaries screaming out loud



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 Re: Official Joke Thread
Posted by gimpinthesink on Wed Aug 24th at 2:16am 2005

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman where going to be executed by a firing squad

The Englishman was taken tto be executed first and he thourght I've got to get out of this some how so when the man asks if he has any last words he says yes and shots EARTHQUAKE as the firing squad takes cover he hops it over the wall.

Next it's the Scotsmans turn and hes thinking that was a good Idea I'll try something like that so when hes asked if he has anylast requests he says yes and shows TIDLEWAVE and as the firing squad takes cover he hops it over the wall.

THe Irishman was up next and he thourght to himself that that was a good Idea and He would have to think of something so when he's asked if he has any last words he sasys yes and shouts FIRE
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was looking for a certain nun joke cos I like it but I couldnt remember how the middle part of it went and I found a couple more good ones. So I'll start with the one I was looking for.
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Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells. St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates. St. Paul: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?" 1st nun : "Adam and Eve" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates. St. Paul: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?" 2nd nun : "An apple" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates. And finally it came the turn of the last nun. St. Paul : "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?" After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that's a hard one!" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"
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One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said "Wow what a goddamn fish!" The sister said "Sir you shouldn't talk to me like that: I'm a nun", and the man said "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish". So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said "Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught." The mother superior said "Sister, you shouldn't talk like that!", and the sister said "But mother superior, that's the name of it: a goddamn fish". So the mother superior said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll clean it." While she was cleaning the fish the monsignor walked in and she said "Monsignor look at the goddamn fish that the sister caught." The monsignor said "Mother superior you shouldn't talk like that!", and the mother superior said "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish". So the monsignor said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll cook it". That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said "Wow what a nice fish". And the sister said "I caught the goddamn fish." And mother superior said "I cleaned the goddamn fish". And the monsignor said "I cooked the goddamn fish". And the new priest said: "I like this f**king place already!"


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