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Recently Laughed
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Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Andrei on Wed Jan 25th at 11:58am 2006

Q: What's the first thing that crosses a fly's mind, as it gets hit by a car speeding at over 150KM/H?

A: It's arse.



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Orpheus on Wed Jan 25th at 1:16pm 2006

? quoting Andrei
Q: What's the first thing that crosses a fly's mind, as it gets hit by a car speeding at over 150KM/H?

A: It's arse.

*whispers*

Last thing my friend, last thing.





The best things in life, aren't things.



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Andrei on Wed Jan 25th at 1:42pm 2006

Erm...first and last, then <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/evilgrin.gif">.




Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Dr Brasso on Wed Jan 25th at 3:15pm 2006

thought the elders of the pit might enjoy mom's joke # ...mmm...26 or so, i believe....something to look forward to... <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/heee.gif">


MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED

(Research done by the AARP Legal Department)

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go
back
to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a
patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard
enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I
want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer
will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The
doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer
accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a
half-day's
drive away and a diploma from a third world country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand.
I
tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I
do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle
my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant
right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20
co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

enjoy good health.. <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/icon_wink.gif">
Doc B....:dodgy:





Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Andrei on Wed Jan 25th at 3:51pm 2006

Makes me wanna become a doctor.




Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by fishy on Sat Jan 28th at 4:17pm 2006

Here's one for your mum, Doc.

Mrs. Parks, asked her class,
"Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You
should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to
tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her,
"Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,
"Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The
body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the
pupil of the eye Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
(1) You have a dirty mind,
(2) you didn't read your homework, and
(3) one day, when you're older, you are going to be very, very
disappointed."




i eat paint



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Addicted to Morphine on Sun Jan 29th at 1:34am 2006

<img src=" SRC="images/smiles/icon_lol.gif">



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Dr Brasso on Sun Jan 29th at 3:19pm 2006

<img src=" SRC="images/smiles/rofl.gif"> excellent fishman...

heres a new one from her...dedicated to all you high speed mutha's out there....

Will I Live To Be 80?

I recently picked a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly
well for my age".

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no,"
I replied. "I'm not doing either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said,
"No, my other doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy."

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,
hunting, or fishing?" "No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No,"
I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a s**t if you live to
be 80?"

Doc B...:dodgy:





Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Addicted to Morphine on Sun Jan 29th at 4:00pm 2006

I could see the punchline coming, but I very much agree with the message.




Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Andrei on Sun Jan 29th at 4:21pm 2006

A foreign tourist was visiting London. After several hours of sight-seeing, he suddenly feels the urgent need to take a pint. He looks around desperately, but can't seem to be able to spot any public toilet. Driven to the edge of his sanity by his burning bladder, he prepares to do about his business in a mailbox, when suddenly somebody taps him on the shoulder. He turns around and finds himself facing a policeman. "What are you doing here, sir?" asks the officer of the law. Stuttering, the tourist attempts to justify his actions. After listening to the whole story, the cop tells him to follow him. The two men start walking down the street, then they take a right, a left, across another street and, finally, stop in front of a massive ornate gate. The policeman opens it to reveal a large and superb garden, dominated by a beautiful mansion, somewhere in the distance. The cop point to a tree and invites the tourist to relieve himself. Swiftly, the man ducks behind the tree and urinates. Aftet several moments, he comes out from behind the tree, smirking. "So" he says "this must be what they call English Hospitality ". "No" replied the policeman "this is what we call the French embassy".

Particularly funny since i've heard it from a frenchman.



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Rumple on Sun Feb 5th at 10:24am 2006

There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat.

Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them, "What's the Purple Wombat?"

"You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children.

"Hey, Mister Bus Driver!" one of the chldren shouted. "Billy doesn't know what the Purple Wombat is!"

The bus driver turned around abruptly. "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" he said in disbelief. He ordered Billy to sit in the very back of the bus, all by himself.

Eventually, they got to school, and Billy got off the bus and went to class. Class proceeded normally; the students did the pledge of allegiance and worked on their multiplication tables for a while. Then the teacher led them into a unit on geography. Billy was not really paying attention, but he heard the teacher mention something about the Purple Wombat.

Billy's hand shot up, and, when the teacher called on him, Billy asked, "Teacher, what's the Purple Wombat?"

"You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the teacher cried in alarm, "Get yourself to the principal's office right now, young man. No, no buts -- march!"

So Billy headed down the long, dark, frightening hallway to the principal's office. He slowly opened the large, heavy door, and timidly entered the room behind it. There, at a large, imposing desk, sat the principal. The principal was a hulking man, balding, with a thin mustache. He spoke in a deep baritone voice. He was enough to frighten little boys like Billy who had been sent to his office almost to tears.

"Well, Billy," he began slowly. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Mr. Principal, I just don't know what's going on today. Everyone's been acting weird, and they're all treating me really badly. Like teacher just sent me to you and stuff."

"Now, Billy, I'm here to help you. I'm the princi-Pal, after all. Heh heh. Can you tell me why everyone's acting so strangely?"

"It's because I don't know what some stupid Purple Wombat is."

"What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is? That's it. I am calling your mother, young man. Consider yourself suspended."

The principal threw Billy out of his office and told him to go home. Billy, crying, began the long walk home. When he got there, his mother was standing in the doorway waiting for him.

"Billy!" she called, sobbing, "I was so worried about you! What happened?"

"Mom," Billy cried, "Everyone was being mean to me and I had to sit in the back of the bus all by myself and the teacher sent me to the principal's office and the principal suspended me, all because I don't know what the Purple Wombat is!"

"What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" Billy's mother shrieked. "Go to your room this minute. Go! Just wait until your father gets home!"

So Billy marched up the stairs and into his room. He collapsed on the bed, crying. After some amount of time, he heard a car pull in and some doors shutting. His father was home. He could hear his parents talking downstairs but didn't know what they were saying. Then he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and his door opened.

"Billy," his father began in that lecturing-father tone, "Your mother says you've been acting badly lately. Would you like to tell me what you've done?"

"Dad, I haven't done anything! I just don't know what the Purple Wombat is!"

"You...don't know what the Purple Wombat is. Well, in that case, you can just stay in this room all night, mister. And forget about dinner!"

Billy's father slammed the door and stormed off. Billy collapsed on his bed, crying his eyes out. He spent the next several hours that way -- lying there, crying, wishing he would wake up.

Then, in the middle of the night, he heard a voice. It said: "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat, Billy."

Billy sat up with a start. He looked around the room, trying to find the source of the voice, but he could not.

"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy."

It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on, opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof.

"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat."

Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He got to the edge of a wood.

"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy."

The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and very frightening, but Billy didn't care. He had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood.

"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Keep going, Billy."

Billy kept going into the wood. He could hardly see anything, and he kept falling down and walking into things and hurting himself. But he kept going, driven by a need to find this enigma that kept calling his name.

"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. This way, Billy."

Eventually, Billy emerged from the wood. He was on the shore of the town lake.

"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. I'm out here, Billy."

It was coming from out across the lake. Billy got one of the small rowboats from the dock, untied it, and rowed out. Since he was only a small boy, it was very difficult. But he had to find out what the Purple Wombat was.

"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Row, Billy."

The voice was coming from across the lake. Billy doubled his effort, and the boat began to move a little faster. When he was about half way across the lake, he heard: "Billy, I am the Purple Wombat. I'm up here, Billy."

It was coming from directly above him. Billy stopped rowing and stood up to look for it. The boat tipped over, dumping him in the lake. Billy didn't know how to swim, so he drowned.

Moral: Don't stand up in a boat.

:P


<A HREF="http://rumple.biz" TARGET="_blank">SourDough2.0</A> - With Strawberry Jam



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by fraggard on Sun Feb 5th at 11:54am 2006

I'm starting a Rumple extermination fund. Anyone want to contribute?




Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Orpheus on Sun Feb 5th at 2:08pm 2006

A little boy and girl are sitting on the front porch. The little girl asks "whats a penis?" The little boy says he doesn't know, but he will go ask his dad because he knows everything.

The little boy asks his dad and his dad obliges him with a definition. The dad pulls down his pants and says, "This is a penis. Its not just any penis, but the worlds most perfect penis."

The boy nods and leaves.

The little girl asks him upon his return, "Well?"

The little boy pulls down his pants and says "This is a penis. Its not the worlds most perfect penis, but if it were an inch shorter, it would be"





The best things in life, aren't things.



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Dark|Killer on Sun Feb 5th at 2:54pm 2006

LOL <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/icon_lol.gif"> <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/azelito.gif"> .... How long is his father's penis then ?? HAHA nice one



.::Dark|Masta::. - One name. One legend.



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Naklajat on Sun Feb 5th at 3:35pm 2006

teehee, penis...

Sorry I just had to say that. <img src=" SRC="images/smiles/icon_smile.gif">

What kind of father says that to his son? "Hey son, I have the worlds most perfect penis!"



=o



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Rumple on Sun Feb 5th at 11:41pm 2006

? quote:
I'm starting a Rumple extermination fund. Anyone want to contribute?


Ill contribute 5c :P


<A HREF="http://rumple.biz" TARGET="_blank">SourDough2.0</A> - With Strawberry Jam



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Gaara on Mon Feb 6th at 9:08am 2006

Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.




Reckless disregard for childrens well being, women and nothing but utter contempt for other cultures.



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Foxpup on Tue Feb 7th at 4:34am 2006

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your underpants?

Your mum.


Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Orpheus on Sat Feb 11th at 12:55am 2006

image

Ouch.





The best things in life, aren't things.



Quote
 Re: Recently Laughed
Posted by Andrei on Sat Feb 11th at 10:39am 2006

? quote:
image

Ouch.



But since you saw that, it means you were online when there were 0 users online... what?





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