Intro to Filmmaking

Hey everyone. I'm taking an introductory filmmaking class this
semester, and I'm required to come up with material for several short
films. I have a lot of creative freedom, as long as I follow some
general guidelines.

My next film is due Wednesday January 25th, and I'll be shooting it Sunday January 22nd.

I wanted to know what you guys thought about what I have so far.

The assignment is a 2 minute video exercise in abridging time.

Here's my idea:

I remember hearing stories of 5 rich kids in Greenwich Connecticut
going around robbing convenience stores for pure kicks (they were
eventually arrested when one of the teenagers talked about it and the
police set up a sting). So my video will be a 2 minute (maybe a
little more) short film of an apparently well-off college student
holding up a corner store. Here's the shot for shot as far as I
have it right now.

Starts off black. You can hear a car turning over multiple times
without starting. You hear a voice imploring for the car to
start. When the engine finally revs we cut right to a shot of
Alex as he sits in the drivers seat. It will be a fairly close
shot, with the camera right near the windshield. He'll be wearing
a polo or button down shirt, a light black fleece, a heavier overcoat,
a scarf, and a black winter hat. He'll immediately look back as
he starts to back out of the parking spot and drive out of the parking
lot and merge into traffic.

The next shot will be him pulling into a convenience store parking lot,
parking fairly far from the door. We cut to a shot of his hands
on the steering wheel. I'll probably be lying on the hood to get
the shot of his white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. I want
his knuckles to be in focus, with everything else fuzzy. I'll
shift the focus to his face. He'll clearly be steeling himself
for something. He'll then quickly take off his scarf, and then
pull down at the black winter hat, which turns out to be a black ski
mask (the kind with holes for the eyes and mouth). At this point
there will be a lot of quick jump cuts of him exiting the car with a
small bag, and walking purposefully across the parking lot towards the
convenience store doors. There will be perhaps three different
half second shots of him walking (at different points in the lot
getting closer) before he reaches the doors. As soon as he opens
the door it will fade out to black. 2 or 3 seconds of black/slug
will then abruptly be interrupted with a shot of him bursting through
the convenience store doors, perhaps tripping, and ripping the mask off
as he gets to the car. Cut to him trying to start the car, and
having it turn over multiple times without starting. The shot
perspective will be from the back seat (behind the passenger side)
diagonally across with the convenience store visible through the
windshield. After a few failed attempts to get the car to start
and many panicked glances towards the store, he grabs the bag and
runs. I'll end with a few shots of him sprinting through the more
visually interesting areas in the city. I'll use the car as a
dolly and keep up with him as he runs down streets and sidewalks.

I'm not entirely sure how it will end yet, but I'm considering having
it just cutting to black and hearing him breathing heavy and the sound
of his frantic running.

Getting the sound to work and getting permission to shoot are my two biggest concerns.

Overall, I'm really excited to shoot this on Sunday and spend the next few nights editing it all. Any thoughts?