another one from my ornery old mom... i thought it was good...enjoy :heee:

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's
minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if
the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the
two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined
that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski
weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
North about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did."

"Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

Doc Brass... :dodgy:

LMAO!!!!

Thats a great one!

A man is driving his car when he passes a house with a sign in the yard that says "Talking dog for sale, $10".

The map stops and goes up to the dog and says, "Can you really talk?". The dog replies "Yes, I can." The guy soon ask's the dog, "Well, whats your story?". The dog begins to say, "I found out my gift at an early age, and not wanting to waste it, I went to the FBI. They soon put me to work, I was an undercover agent with big mobsters. Soon after, I met my wife and we had 10 puppies togather. A few years later, I thought my life was getting rather dull, so I decided to join the police force. I then settled down and took care of my puppies." Wow thats an amazing story, replied the man. The man went up to the owner and asked, "Your dog is amazing, but why are you selling him so cheap?"..To which the owner replied, "He's such a f**king liar, he didnt do any of that s**t."

:biggrin:

Nice :biggrin:

Utter genius.

Heh I liked both.

Give your mum our best Brass! :smile:

ya oughta meet her Dave, shes got the same damn sense of humor you do... 74 years old....and she'll still smack me upside the head when i need it.... :wink:

Doc B... :dodgy:

Well show her my pic in my profile and see if she'd like to meet! :biggrin:

s**t man...shed have a stroke...see hasnt seen a prick in years....***runs

Doc B.... :dodgy:

she sent me this one too...a little political humor.... :heee:

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore
were in an airplane that crashed.

They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.

God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, very good. Come and sit at my
left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."

God thinks for a second and says "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

Hillary replies, "I believe you're in my chair..."

lol another great one Brass

I thought it was clinton who said "I believe your in my chair"?? I heard this too but it was different. eh.....

Anyways, a boy goes up to his grandpa and says:"make a sound like a frog grandpa" , the grampa looks at him with a look of what the f**k and just moves on, later the kid says:"make a sound like a frog grandpa!" the grandpa moves on. later the boy comes up and says:"make a sound like a frog grandpa!! now!!" so the grandpa finaly asks: "why do you want me to mke a sound like a frog?" the boy replies:"well grandma says that when you croak, we get to go to disneyland"....

/ @ omega

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of 20 dollar bills. He asked the bartender, "Hey, whats up with that jar?" to which the bartender replies, "Give me a 20 and I'll tell you the rules.". The man hand's him a 20 dollar bill, and the bartender begins telling him about the jar. The bartender starts off, "Ok, here are the rules. First, you need to drink a whole bottle of Hot Amazon chilli sauce, WITHOUT making a face. Second, theres an 85 year old women upstairs, she's never orgasmed in here life, you need to help her orgasim. Last, theres a dog out back with a sore tooth, you need to remove it with your bare hands." "Thats impossible!" replies the man. An hour later, the man has had a couple of drinks, and he's pretty wasted.."Bartender, another" the man yells, but before the bartender could give him his beer, he grabs he Hot Amazon chilli sauce, and chugs it in one gulp. Not a face made. Then he goes out back to where the dog stays. Everyone inside first hear grows, then barking, then the dog attacking, then finally nothing. The man stumbels in, clothes ripped and torn, and says, "Now...Wheres that old lady with the sore tooth?"

lol i also heard that joke......

A 3 guys in a bar order a round of drinks 4 everyone, then they chant "21 days 21 days" saying this around a little kid's puzzle, then the order a second round and chant "21 days 21 days" they do this for 30 min., then the bar tender asks, "whats this 21 days thing?" the 3 guys replie:" well we finished this puzzle in 21 days, when on the box it says 3-10 years"