Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

It's that time of year once again, the season that defines America as the super-power that nothing can touch, not unlike Mr. T and his brand of punishment (throw in George Peppard and you're sure to have a few explosions). Yes, the weather is frightful but the cheers are oh so delightful as we enjoy the splendid custom of gift giving, caroling and, if time permits, fruit punch in delicious Christmas-themed paper cups.

But did you know that Christmas, despite it's superfluous demeanor, was actually a holiday invented by the Nazi regime to traffic billions upon billions of pounds of Opium? Consult your local weather channel for a detailed and fascinating history!

But, putting aside the turkey, throwing off the stockings and shoving out our pumpkins, the true meaning behind Christmas is to keep close guard your door, as it is the perfect time for Jesus Christ's transparent ghost to sneak down your chimney and slowly steal your soul. The Aztec's believed this was retribution for his gruesome death, but who is to believe a bunch of dirt-farming hustlers? Not this former KGB spy, no sir.

So, radio listeners, I hope you all enjoy your Christmas and all the good-tidings that are most certainly forced upon you by co-workers, family members and anyone wearing a Santa hat outside of your local liquor store. Remember, eat lots of food, open a plethora of gifts, and most importantly:

JESUS CHRIST IS SNEAKING DOWN YOUR CHIMNEY. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. PLEASE EXERCISE CAUTION!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Yours truly,
Vash
Former KGB Spy / Tax-evading Philanthropist / Charity Money Launderer

I thought Christmas had something to do with the Romans having sex with men (as paraphrased by Boondocks Christmas special)

Haha, nice to see you and your hot dog avatar again.

Bit early to be saying Merry Christmas don't you think?

---

Aaron's Stuff