A little help with english

Knowing
what a butt-kicking superhero I am when it comes to English, a friend
of mine who's in a french bilingual class (ironically, i'm in a german
bilingual class) asked whether I can correct a testpaper he got 6/10
points for. And I nonchalantly agreed to, but unfortunately the
superhero ate some stale kryptonite and can't figure-out some stuff. So
given that most people here are better at English than I am (especially
the natives, do'h), I thought it would be best to turn to the pit for a
little help..<br style="color: gray; font-family: Verdana;">
Ok, so here it is. The
crossed-out words and the words written in red are the teacher's
corrections and the words between [] brackets are my own notes and
comments. <br style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">

<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">"1) Write about a country you would like to visit.</span>

<br style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-style: italic;">If I were to choose a country to visit, I think I would go with Italy<span style="color: red;"> in</span> [or
a sort of "If I could choose, I would choose Italy", I don't think this
is a mistake. Maybe the teacher has never heard of the expression "to
go with something" when choosing between several objects? and btw,
shouldn't it be "go to Italy"?]</span><br style="color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-style: italic;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-style: italic;">I've already been in Italy when I was about 7 years old or so, and it made a great impression on me at the that
time [not sure if this is a mistake or not; imo both are correct]. It
was my first trip abroad so, naturally, I was subject to what I would
describe as "culture shock". What's this? Clean tidy houses, clean
streets, no depressing socialist flats?! Surely a strange experience
for a 7 year old who grew-up in Ploieshti [phonetical spelling]. And if
I were to really go to Italy, the place-to-stay of choise
[not the slang term; he means "choice" - conveniently overlooked
mistake] would be Perugia, which is about half-way between Rome and the
east coast. It's conveniently placed on some foothills [convenient
indeed!] and is equally close to the mountains as it is to and
the sea. [while I agree that it sounds a little strange, I'm not sure
if this is gramatically incorrect as it shows a relation of equallity
between the two distances, in an A is to B as C is to D sort of logic].
After all, what's 150 km when you get to drive like the wind on a four
lane highway with little or no curves [she must have felt offended because curves was underlined for no apparent reason].</span><br style="color: white;">
<br style="color: white;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-style: italic;">2) Write about the latest movie that you have seen.

The last<span style="color: red;"> latest [Last in a long list of seen movies? I don't know]</span>
movie that I have seen... I think it was Saw II [omg]. I think [believe
would have been better, as to avoid repetition] most of us are familiar
with the plot so [yadayada][No further mistakes beyond this point]."
</span></span>
I have to say I think the teacher was a tad unfair given that my bud is from a, get this, french bilingual class and not an english class. While there are some mistakes, IMHO the ratio of mistakes per phrase is very low. Definitely not worth a 6/10. I'd say an 8/10 would've been more fair.

Who ever wrote it, their sentence structure is very slang like. It not formal english as it would be tought. Most language teachers, especially foriegn language teachers, tend to stress speaking, and talking in the formal rules of the language, at least in my experiences.

Yeah, I agree with rs6. His write-up is very conversational, which is a good sign for interpersonal communication, but as far as write-ups go, he should probably have adopted a more serious tone. Regardless, I agree that the professor graded that paper a little harshly.

If this is a class, you're probably going to be following the standard conventions of written English, not conversational stuff, so you have to avoid certain expressions. I'm not sure how much exposure you have to spoken English though, so that might be a little difficult. Anyway, here are my thoughts in order:

1. I would've just written "I would go to Italy." But since this is a paper, I guess your friend wanted to make his response more complex / longer, eh?

2. Here's a mistake I think the teacher should have corrected: "I've already been in Italy..." >> "I was in Italy..." When you use "I've" it suggests that you're continuing to be in Italy, such as in "I've been gaining weight." But he's not in Italy anymore, though he was in Italy previously.

3. "That" is more specific - I think it's more correct than "the." Kind of trivial, though.

4. re: "As it is to," it's not just about what's grammatically correct. It's about what sounds better and conveys the meaning more efficiently.

5. re: "curves," it just sounds a little strange.

6. re: "latest," trivial.

I'd say he deserved a better mark too, though I'm no teacher.

if i'd watched a new release yesterday, and an old black and white movie today, then the latest movie that i'd have seen would be the one from yesterday, and the last would have been from today.

---

i eat paint

Knowing
what a butt-kicking superhero I am when it comes to English, a friend
of mine who's in a french bilingual class (ironically, i'm in a german
bilingual class) asked whether I can correct a testpaper he got 6/10
points for. And I nonchalantly agreed to, but unfortunately the
superhero ate some stale kryptonite and can't figure-out some stuff. So
given that most people here are better at English than I am (especially
the natives, do'h), I thought it would be best to turn to the pit for a
little help..<br style="color: gray; font-family: Verdana;">
Ok, so here it is. The
crossed-out words and the words written in red are the teacher's
corrections and the words between [] brackets are my own notes and
comments. <br style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">

<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">"1) Write about a country you would like to visit.</span>

<br style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-style: italic;">If I were to choose a country to visit, I think I would go with Italy<span style="color: red;"> in</span> [or
a sort of "If I could choose, I would choose Italy", I don't think this
is a mistake. Maybe the teacher has never heard of the expression "to
go with something" when choosing between several objects? and btw,
shouldn't it be "go to Italy"?]</span><br style="color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-style: italic;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-style: italic;">I've already been in Italy when I was about 7 years old or so, and it made a great impression on me at the that
time [not sure if this is a mistake or not; imo both are correct]. It
was my first trip abroad so, naturally, I was subject to what I would
describe as "culture shock". What's this? Clean tidy houses, clean
streets, no depressing socialist flats?! Surely a strange experience
for a 7 year old who grew-up in Ploieshti [phonetical spelling]. And if
I were to really go to Italy, the place-to-stay of choise
[not the slang term; he means "choice" - conveniently overlooked
mistake] would be Perugia, which is about half-way between Rome and the
east coast. It's conveniently placed on some foothills [convenient
indeed!] and is equally close to the mountains as it is to and
the sea. [while I agree that it sounds a little strange, I'm not sure
if this is gramatically incorrect as it shows a relation of equallity
between the two distances, in an A is to B as C is to D sort of logic].
After all, what's 150 km when you get to drive like the wind on a four
lane highway with little or no curves [she must have felt offended because curves was underlined for no apparent reason].</span><br style="color: white;">
<br style="color: white;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-style: italic;">2) Write about the latest movie that you have seen.

The last<span style="color: red;"> latest [Last in a long list of seen movies? I don't know]</span>
movie that I have seen... I think it was Saw II [omg]. I think [believe
would have been better, as to avoid repetition] most of us are familiar
with the plot so [yadayada][No further mistakes beyond this point]."
</span></span>
I
have to say I think the teacher was a tad unfair given that my bud is
from a, get this, french bilingual class and not an english class.
While there are some mistakes, IMHO the ratio of mistakes per phrase is
very low. Definitely not worth a 6/10. I'd say an 8/10 would've been
more fair.

Just to start out here, I definately agree with your sentiment Andrei -
the english is most acceptable considering the context it is taken in
with regards to his language knowledge. This, is how I would have
written it -

<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">1) Write about a country you would like to visit.</span>

<br style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">
If I were to choose a country to visit, it would be Italy (original tone was too casual and like transcribed speech)<br style="color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-style: italic;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-style: italic;">I
have visited Italy in the past, and it made a great impression on me
then. (Conversational tone used to explain the previous situation for
visiting Italy, (the/that are interchangable, agreed - overall,
depersonalise the sentence and shorten it). It
was my first trip abroad so (lose the comma here, use "and") naturally,
I was subject to what I would
describe as "culture shock". What's this? Clean tidy houses, clean
streets (lose comma, use and) no depressing socialist flats?
(lose surely) A strange experience
for a 7 year old who grew-up in Ploieshti [phonetical spelling]. And if
I were to really go to Italy, the place-to-stay of choise
[choice is the only acceptable term - there is no slang!] would be Perugia, which lies between Rome and the eastern coast. It's (Never start a sentence with "it's - slang/conversation grammar again) Perugia (lies between the mountains and the sea - alternatively, wipe this sentence altogether) conveniently placed on some foothills [convenient
indeed!] and is equally close to the mountains as it is to and
the sea. [while I agree that it sounds a little strange, I'm not sure
if this is gramatically incorrect as it shows a relation of equallity
between the two distances, in an A is to B as C is to D sort of logic] (not
really - as a sentence it is redundant - we have already determined
that Perugia lies between Rome and the sea, stating again is a moot
point).
After all (don't start a sentence with "After all"), what's 150 km when you get to drive like the wind on a four
lane highway with little or no curves [she must have felt offended because curves was underlined for no apparent reason]. The distance is small between Rome and Perugia, driving like the wind it is not apparent at all.</span><br style="color: white;">

<br style="color: white;">

<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-style: italic;">2) Write about the latest movie that you have seen.

The last<span style="color: red;"> latest [Last in a long list of seen movies? I don't know]</span>
movie that I have seen... I think it was Saw II [omg]. I think [believe
would have been better, as to avoid repetition] most of us are familiar
with the plot so [yadayada][No further mistakes beyond this point]."</span></span>

Gwil, I'm afraid you just made it more unreadable... all the parenthetical notes and the colors! I can't handle it. :razz:

Gwil and the technicolor essay notes!

I knew it was a bad idea to edit it after a visit to the local Inn.

Listen to what everyone else said Andrei, but most importantly never
ever start a sentence with "And" or "After All". Very sloppy indeed.

I got seizure of wisdom out of it though.
Thanks for the great feedback, guys. :biggrin: