Her: "Do you have protection?"
Him: "I don't believe in guns"

"40 Year old virgin"

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The best things in life, aren't things.

"I wish my lawn was emo so it'd cut itself, but never enough to die" - Mervaka from the FF forums

"Dyslexics have more fnu" - Anonymous

"DNA, the National Dyslexics Association" - Anonymous

I'd like you to make me a mocha-caramel-hazelnut frappe, with raspberry syrup, whipped cream, and a pinch of nutmeg.

Then I'd like you to shove it up your ass and make me a coffee.

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I sell useless stuff to stoned people

PixelGames

"What deh...?!" - me, while staring at a bowl of suspicious-looking soup.

"When one is not the lead elephant, the scene never changes"

• paraphrase from "Anne and the King"

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The best things in life, aren't things.

Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle. It's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

? Captain Rex Kramer, in the movie 'Airplane.'

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

? cockpit crew in the movie 'Airplane.'

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RUST Gamedesign
pepper design

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

Following on from pepper's post:

"This woman needs to go to a hospital."
"A hospital! What is it!"
"It's a big building with sick people in it, but that's not important right now."

and the overly-quoted:
"Surely you can't be serious!"
"I am, and don't call me Shirley."

Both from 'Airplane'

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My site

Da Fino, Private Snoop: I'm a Brother Seamus!
The Dude: A Brother Seamus? What... like an Irish monk?

The Dude: Look, just stay away from my f**king lady friend.
Da Fino: Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.
The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my f**king lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive.

The Dude: Oh boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus

all from The Big Lebowski

"what do we do when we step on a mine, Sir?"

-"general procedure, private, is to jump 20ft in the air and scatter oneself over a large area"

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These words are my diaries screaming out loud

Hatsumomo: I was a maiko once.
Sayuri Nitta: Oh, of course. But that was a long, long, long, long time ago.

• Memoirs of a Geisha

I almost wet myself during that line. (Guess you had to see it)

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The best things in life, aren't things.

So a woman is sitting at home with her three daughters.

THe first daughter comes up and says "mom, why am I named Rose?"

"Because when you were born, I placed a rose on your head"

The second daughter comes up; "Mom, why am I named Carrot?"

Because when you were born, I placed a carrot on your head"

The third daughter yells incoherent jargon from the other room

"SHUT UP FRIDGE!"

Frenchy, this is a quote thread, not joke.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

And that's a terrible joke too.

Hen: April Fool's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!one!!1!!
Vash: Dude it's march 31st
Hen: s**t
Vash: You f**king drunk
Hen: its April Fool's Day here
Vash: No, you're just drunk
Hen: its 1:26 am
Vash: OF COURSE IT IS WHEN YOU SPEND ALL NIGHT DRINKING

Frenchy, this is a quote thread, not joke.

I'm quoting it, someone told it to me today.

I did quote someone. You posted a joke, containing no actual quotes from real people. My post, despite being comedic, still stands as a quote.

Jesse Ventura as Blain in "Predator" said:
Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here! This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me!

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Blame it on Microsoft, God does.

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

Douglas Adams

Love that quote. It reminds me that I'm not the only ones missing deadlines :smile:

I'm quoting it, someone told it to me today.

-French Toast

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The best things in life, aren't things.

Good quote Orph, I rather like that one.

"When I read that the "fox people" are strapping high explosives under their clothes and detonating themselves in shopping malls to avenge the injustice of fur-farms and fox hunts, in the belief that they will spend the next life with 72 vixens in eternal yiffage, then I will worry about Furry spirituality. ... And not one damn nanosecond sooner!" - Simo

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Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.

"So, why don't we have separate flights for terrorists, so if dey wanna blow stuff up they don't ruin other poeples vacations.?"

Thread revival! Apt, in the wake of 'terrorism'

Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both

Benjamin Franklin

Benny said some darn quotable stuff.
-Me, just now

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o

The only quote [color=gold]note [/color]worthy for Ben Franklin was "Nothing less than a hundred"

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The best things in life, aren't things.

sighs

Another joke wasted. :razz:

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The best things in life, aren't things.

Thread revival! Apt, in the wake of 'terrorism'

Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both

Benjamin Franklin

I heard it as

Any society that would give up an essential liberty for temporary security deserves neither.

And then I heard that that was in fact misquoted and not said by Franklin. Anybody else got more info?