The pleasure of my own company

I saw an interesting patient last night. The young parents were visibly frazzled by the time they're at the urgent care. They were convinced that their son has some sort of strange seizure or neurological problem. But they were also worrying about leukemia, schizophrenia, and all kinds of random serious illnesses (at least they did not mention ebola).

Anyway, they told me that recently they frequently find their two-year-old son alone on the sofa, twitching and sweating with his face all flushed. They said that this could go on for many minutes, and then he'd go to sleep after these episodes.

I realized what was going on right away, but I wanted to tell them gradually. If I just informed them straight away, they would probably think I'm crazy. So I spent the first couple of minutes reassuring them that I don't believe their son has seizure of any serious conditions. In fact, I see this quite often and what he was doing is completely harmless and normal.

The two-year-old just discovered his genital and the secret to self-pleasuring. Masturbation is common and not at all unusual for someone his age. So I gently educated the parents and told them not to worry.

But they were still anxious and wanted some blood tests, so I happily obliged. The kid got his blood sucked out for no apparent reason, but at least it dissuaded some fear from the parents.

The horny little tyke.. who would have thought toddlers got pleasure from bashing the bishop.

Truly, truly bizarre..

This made me chuckle. God, I love you Americans :smile:

What a fun job you have

what, do we forget untilll we are like 13?

Two year-olds can masturbate? But I thought sperm production starts at puberty?

Even unborn babies masturbate. With today's advanced prenatal ultrasound, obstetricians have frequently catch fetus "in the act" during routine obstetric visits. I guess babies get horny too.

Yes, sperm production doesn't start until puberty, but that doesn't prevent infants from deriving pleasure. Male babies don't ejaculate when they masturbate (no semen yet), but they do reach orgasm.

haha. This is a funny one.

I kind of remember doing this myself. But its not very clear. :biggrin:

I didnt act like that though, lol.

so I missed out on like 10 years of self plesure? darn

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting DrGlass</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>so I missed out on like 10 years of self plesure? darn
</DIV></DIV>
Well, you can always make it up by doing more now. It's not too late until you break your arm.

if your lucky, it'll only be your arm

Yes, sperm production doesn't start until puberty, but that doesn't
prevent infants from deriving pleasure. Male babies don't ejaculate
when they masturbate (no semen yet), but they do reach orgasm.

This is very interesting since I have always considered the pleasure of
masturbating to be directly linked to ejaculation and not to the
sensation obtained by massaging the penis.

Yes, sperm production doesn't start until puberty, but that doesn't
prevent infants from deriving pleasure. Male babies don't ejaculate
when they masturbate (no semen yet), but they do reach orgasm.

This is very interesting since I have always considered the pleasure of
masturbating to be directly linked to ejaculation and not to the
sensation obtained by massaging the penis.

orgazum without ejaculation is the key to male multible orgasm.

Lol I can't stop laughing at how your trying so hard to be serious when your sitting here talking about toddlers having orgasms and massaging your peewee. I can see now why there are no girls on this forum.

I had not heard of males doing it, because the testis are nonfunctional till puberty, i don't doubt it happens, i just had not heard of it.

females on the other hand, are born with a fully functional clitoris and can achieve orgasm while still in diapers. this i had heard many,many times throughout my life.

the ovaries do not mature till puberty, but have no roll in sexual pleasure making.

i do not recommend having sex with little girls, but self sex is a perfectly acceptable event IMO.

i had always thought, "those lucky bitches, if they wanted to they could have been having orgasms their whole f**king lives.. what the f**k are they waiting for?"

Hey, I think this thread is the very reason why we might attract girls to the Pit. Wouldn't you think they'll be fascinated by the topic? They certainly don't have any personal experience, like what we're sharing now. They shall be truly enlightened by the discussion.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting satchmo</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Hey, I think this thread is the very reason why we might attract girls to the Pit. Wouldn't you think they'll be fascinated by the topic? They certainly don't have any personal experience, like what we're sharing now. They shall be truly enlightened by the discussion. </DIV></DIV>

I find it very difficult to accept that we would acquire female mappers just because we are fixated on their genitalia.

if that were true, we would have had a few hundred.... thousand by now.
i also doubt many here could properly describe masturbation to a female. i don't doubt that they know how to do themselves, but pleasing a female properly is not generally a priority for males under 30.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting Andrei</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Two year-olds can masturbate?
</DIV></DIV>
No - apparently, only American two year olds can masturbate. Thanks, thursday. :rolleyes:

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting Cassius</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>
, only American two year olds can masturbate.

</DIV></DIV>
with the advent of the new avatar bud, may i ask if thats the finger you use to... ahem, you do have a girlfriend, right? i almost asked a silly question about your fingers, before i even confirmed your dating status.

only American two year olds can masturbate

I guess all that Puritan teaching from our forefathers has gone out the window.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting Orpheus</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>may i ask if thats the finger you use to... </DIV></DIV>
As you can clearly see, her treacherous genital regions have severely disfigured my digits.

Girls get the better end of sex... That's all I have to say.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting French Toast</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Girls get the better end of sex... That's all I have to say. </DIV></DIV>

That's what I've heard.
It leaves me perplexed why, if they do get more pleasure from the sex would they not want to have it as much as guys?

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting Spartan 34</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>
<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting French Toast</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Girls get the better end of sex... That's all I have to say. </DIV></DIV>
That's what I've heard.

</DIV></DIV>
How would you know?

now here's a question for our resident Doc.

there was a story that i'd heard from a few different people about a guy that i knew. where he is or what he's doing now, i haven't a clue. but the story went that one night his wife was far too over enthusiastic in her 'hands on' approach, which resulted in a snapping/cracking noise. when the swelling went down, he was left with something that looks like you might find in a geometry set.

now i know there's no bone, but with enough rigidity would it be possible to break?

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting fishy</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>
now i know there's no bone, but with enough rigidity would it be possible to break?

</DIV></DIV>

I am not a doctor, but took advanced anatomy in high school.

assuming we are not still talking about Cassius's finger. the internal structure of the male member is made up of a series of sacks that have in holes larger that the exit holes. during arousal, the blood flows in faster than the exits can cope causing them to fill to gorging proportions. hence erections. these sacks can be damaged and no flow backups possible.

there is also a sort of tendon that runs along the top side that can be ripped, and cause the member to no longer stand up, you could still get hard but be all droopy.
thats a crude description, but essentially accurate.. as i recall it anyways.

Impossible. You can bruise a penis, but you can't break it. I don't care how much you bend it, it's supremely pliable.

However, if you hit it hard with something (like a bat), it'll end up with a nasty bruise.

P.S. WARNING: Do not try this at home.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting satchmo</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Impossible. </DIV></DIV>

if i were you, i'd believe satch.
i may have misunderstood in class it seems :/

It is, however, possible to lose the erectile function of the penis. This can happen even to young people with an unnaturally prolonged erection (a condition called priapism). This is a potential complication of sickle cell anemia, and it can cause permanent disability.

When I say "unnaturally long", I mean having an erection for more than eight hours straight. Rest assured that this can never happen to a healthy person under physiologic circumstances (even if you masturbate all day).

P.S. However, if you do masturbate all day, any abrasion you suffer might not be covered by the manufacture warranty, because it's not considered "normal wear and tear". Make sure you do not mention it when you call tech support.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting satchmo</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Impossible. You can bruise a penis, but you can't break it. I don't care how much you bend it, it's supremely pliable.

However, if you hit it hard with something (like a bat), it'll end up with a nasty bruise.

P.S. WARNING: Do not try this at home.

</DIV></DIV>
This whole topic is ridiculous. I've never seen you guys be this serious when it comes to a topic drenched orgasms and genitalia.

This is making me feel squeamish. I've seen pics of fractured penises, eeww. Looks very painful.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting satchmo</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext> (even if you masturbate all day).</DIV></DIV>
i have tested this, all day is a long time.

Hmm...Don't listen to me. Apparently I am wrong.

---

Perhaps the most common injury to the penis occurs during sexual activity. In the flaccid state, injury to the penis is rare because of the mobility and flexibility of the organ. During an erection, arterial blood flow causes the penis to be come rigid thus placing it at higher risk for injury. Although there is no bone in the penis, urologists frequently refer to the injury as a penile "fracture." During vigorous thrusting, the erect penis may accidentally slip out of the vagina. Due to the fast action, the penis strikes the outside of the woman instead of being reinserted into the vagina. The penis may then bend sharply despite the erection. A typical sign of this problem is a sharp pain in the penis joined by a "popping" sound. The pain and sound are produced by a rupture of the tunica albuginea, which is stretched tightly during the time of an erection. The pain may last for a short time or it may continue. The penis develops a collection of blood under the skin called a hematoma, which can distort the appearance of the penis (eggplant deformity). The injury is usually limited to one or both of the corpora cavernosa and, on rare occasions, the urethra.

---

As you can see, I am not to be trusted with non-pediatric conditions. And apparently, the injury is more common with the "woman on top" position. So gentlemen, be very careful when you try this at home.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting satchmo</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Hmm...Don't listen to me. Apparently I am wrong.

---

</DIV></DIV>
does sound like i was in the ball park :smile:

on this note, i'm outa here.

nite/nite folks

hehe, poor joe :smile:

there was a link kicking around on irc a month or two ago, which i'll admit, i was evil enough to spam once or twice too, so there's others here that seen it.

it was someones online blog, with lots of pictures showing the entire proccess of his tying up his tool using elastic bands as tourniquets[sp?], and slicing his helmet off with a scalpel. it still makes me feel squeamish when i think of those pics, and i only looked once. :/

Ouch that sounds painful Satchmo. Is there any way to fix the problem if it occurs?

Death.

Fixing the fractured penis? Well, the surgeons have to remove the skin of the penis and analyze the extent of the hematoma. Doesn't sound fun to me.

P.S. I got this information from a reputable source, so I am not just bulls**tting.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting satchmo</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Fixing the fractured penis? Well, the surgeons have to remove the skin of the penis and analyze the extent of the hematoma. Doesn't sound fun to me.

P.S. I got this information from a reputable source, so I am not just bulls**tting.

</DIV></DIV>

Thanks alot. Now I'm never going to have sex with any girls at my school T_T

Im only 14 damnit! rant

P.s., Is there some reason why I consider this topic shockingly interesting?
respond plz

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting G.Ballblue</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Now I'm never going to have sex with any girls at my school T_T </DIV></DIV>
What else is new?

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting G.Ballblue</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>P.s., Is there some reason why I consider this topic shockingly interesting? </DIV></DIV>
You're the kid from satchmo's original post.

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting Cassius</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>
<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting G.Ballblue</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Now I'm never going to have sex with any girls at my school T_T </DIV></DIV>
What else is new?

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting G.Ballblue</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>P.s., Is there some reason why I consider this topic shockingly interesting? </DIV></DIV>
You're the kid from satchmo's original post.

</DIV></DIV>

Did you know that I say, "oh joy" whenever I see that you've replied right after me? :razz:
Anyway...

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting G.Ballblue</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>

Did you know that I say, "oh joy" whenever I see that you've replied right after me? :razz:

</DIV></DIV>

Oh god, that just zoomed to the top of my list of all time favorite snarkpit quotes.
i swear, that was/is the funniest comeback i have ever heard here. nothing harsh, no flames, nada.. just pure funny..

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quote:</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Even unborn babies masturbate.</DIV></DIV>

Mother: Oh hunny, come quick! Feel my tummy, Jay Jay is masturbating again! Isn't this amazing?

Father: That's my boy!

Interesting to see how strong the instinct to reproduce is. A little bizarre though.

As you can see, I am not to be trusted with non-pediatric conditions. And apparently, the injury is more common with the "woman on top" position. So gentlemen, be very careful when you try this at home.

See what happens when you let the women "get on top" of you. :rolleyes:

Dark Tree,

<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting Dark Tree</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>

Mother: Oh hunny, come quick! Feel my tummy, Jay Jay is masturbating again! Isn't this amazing?

Father: That's my boy!

</DIV></DIV>
and darktree quickly slides into second place with his responce on unborn chicken chocking.

A guy here stuck a hose
connected to an airpump (one of the big models, the kind used to
inflate truck tires) into his ar$e trying to "pleasure" himself. He
blew his stomache apart.

Another guy stuck a chair's leg (shaped kinda but not quite like a
penis) down the same hole and couldn't get it back out again. He
tangoed all the way to the hospital.

Troublesome deviation, isn't it?

You know, if this thread doesn't clearly define "age and importance"

I figured when I started that fuel/drilling thread that it would take off like wildfire. when you consider that its literally a topic that effects everyone, but no...

someone starts a thread about masturbation and whooohooo does it ever. :heee:

i do however like some of the erroneous beliefs posted, such as "women get the better end of sex". i would venture a guess that most females would disagree 100%, and those whom didn't disagree, would say that it didn't get to be so great till after a certain age in their lives. most younger males are not attentive enough to create "great sex" for their partners.

anywho's.. i would like to thank doc for stealing my thunder away on such an interesting topic. if i had to lose, i couldn't have chosen a better way. :biggrin:

And my last post just made this thread a little more sicker than it initially was q[x_x]p . :wink:

someone starts a thread about masturbation and whooohooo does it ever.

Well, it's a subject that everyone here can relate to on a personal
level. Besides, human nature is inclined to salacious topics,
especially that of young guys.

In addition, we all might learn something from this thread that may
prove vitally important to our sexual fulfillment in the future.
With this newfound knowledge, we may be able to prevent a disastrous
injury to our "member", thus avoiding a lifetime of suffering.

What else is more relevant?

I would say that women definately don't get half as much out of sex as we do. I don't even have to have had sex to say that: its everywhere in pop culture. Whether that's a reliable source is a different question