Story Thread

The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever.

no word limit guys, write what you want. :biggrin:

The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever. Into the kitchen, it was a complete mess. The table was flipped on edge, the chairs had been thrown around and blood was sprayed all over the walls. Everything was fileld with bulletholes, as Leperous stood still for a second his genious mind counted 823 of them. Then he realised why he was here in the first place, THE CEREAL! He swiftly jumped across the floor and landed by the cupboard and looked into it...

The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever. Into the kitchen, it was a complete mess. The table was flipped on edge, the chairs had been thrown around and blood was sprayed all over the walls. Everything was fileld with bulletholes, as Leperous stood still for a second his genious mind counted 823 of them. Then he realised why he was here in the first place, THE CEREAL! He swiftly jumped across the floor and landed by the cupboard and looked into it...

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events...

The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever. Into the kitchen, it was a complete mess. The table was flipped on edge, the chairs had been thrown around and blood was sprayed all over the walls. Everything was filled with bulletholes, as Leperous stood still for a second his genious mind counted 823 of them. Then he realised why he was here in the first place, THE CEREAL! He swiftly jumped across the floor and landed by the cupboard and looked into it...

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak tornado appeared, grabbing and tossing anything in its way. The house flew up and started to spin, with the poor, but oh so genious, Leperous inside who was now starting to shatter! All his once so beloved bodyparts were randomly thrown around and smashed against the walls.

The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever. Into the kitchen, it was a complete mess. The table was flipped on edge, the chairs had been thrown around and blood was sprayed all over the walls. Everything was filled with bulletholes, as Leperous stood still for a second his genious mind counted 823 of them. Then he realised why he was here in the first place, THE CEREAL! He swiftly jumped across the floor and landed by the cupboard and looked into it...

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak tornado appeared, grabbing and tossing anything in its way. The house flew up and started to spin, with the poor, but oh so genious, Leperous inside who was now starting to shatter! All his once so beloved bodyparts were randomly thrown around and smashed against the walls. Then he fainted. When he woke up he'd lost his memory and...

The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever. Into the kitchen, it was a complete mess. The table was flipped on edge, the chairs had been thrown around and blood was sprayed all over the walls. Everything was filled with bulletholes, as Leperous stood still for a second his genious mind counted 823 of them. Then he realised why he was here in the first place, THE CEREAL! He swiftly jumped across the floor and landed by the cupboard and looked into it...

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak tornado appeared, grabbing and tossing anything in its way. The house flew up and started to spin, with the poor, but oh so genious, Leperous inside who was now starting to shatter! All his once so beloved bodyparts were randomly thrown around and smashed against the walls. Then he fainted. When he woke up he'd lost his memory and could not understand why the number 1024 had some strange significance, or why he should be preoccupied with it, as he lay in a blody heap with the wreckage of a house still setteling about him.

Leperouse's keen, obsessvie intelect catalogued the carnage about him with impassive efficency. However, his scrutiny was to no avail. the tornado had obliterated all that might have helped him to regain his memory...

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak tornado appeared, grabbing and tossing anything in its way. The house flew up and started to spin, with the poor, but oh so genious, Leperous inside who was now starting to shatter! All his once so beloved bodyparts were randomly thrown around and smashed against the walls. Then he fainted. When he woke up he'd lost his memory and could not understand why the number 1024 had some strange significance, or why he should be preoccupied with it, as he lay in a blody heap with the wreckage of a house still setteling about him.

Leperouse's keen, obsessvie intelect catalogued the carnage about him with impassive efficency. However, his scrutiny was to no avail. the tornado had obliterated all that might have helped him to regain his memory... [color=red] then he saw it. he didnt know what it was as his brain that was once connected to his eyes was now soaking in butter. before his detached fingers could grasp... the thing, a large green snark... [/color=red]

HmmmmmMmm... :rolleyes: hides

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak tornado appeared, grabbing and tossing anything in its way. The house flew up and started to spin, with the poor, but oh so genious, Leperous inside who was now starting to shatter! All his once so beloved bodyparts were randomly thrown around and smashed against the walls. Then he fainted. When he woke up he'd lost his memory and could not understand why the number 1024 had some strange significance, or why he should be preoccupied with it, as he lay in a blody heap with the wreckage of a house still setteling about him.

Leperouse's keen, obsessvie intelect catalogued the carnage about him with impassive efficency. However, his scrutiny was to no avail. the tornado had obliterated all that might have helped him to regain his memory... then he saw it. he didnt know what it was as his brain that was once connected to his eyes was now soaking in butter. before his detached fingers could grasp.. the thing, a large green snark...

...of doom!! Quicker than a cheetah, stronger than a Tiger - available now at Wal-Mart!

<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">
The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever. Into the kitchen, it was a complete mess. The table was flipped on edge, the chairs had been thrown around and blood was sprayed all over the walls. Everything was filled with bulletholes, as Leperous stood still for a second his genious mind counted 823 of them. Then he realised why he was here in the first place, THE CEREAL! He swiftly jumped across the floor and landed by the cupboard and looked into it...

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak tornado appeared, grabbing and tossing anything in its way. The house flew up and started to spin, with the poor, but oh so genious, Leperous inside who was now starting to shatter! All his once so beloved bodyparts were randomly thrown around and smashed against the walls. Then he fainted. When he woke up he'd lost his memory and could not understand why the number 1024 had some strange significance, or why he should be preoccupied with it, as he lay in a blody heap with the wreckage of a house still setteling about him.

Leperouse's keen, obsessvie intelect catalogued the carnage about him with impassive efficency. However, his scrutiny was to no avail. the tornado had obliterated all that might have helped him to regain his memory...then he saw it. he didnt know what it was as his brain that was once connected to his eyes was now soaking in butter. before his detached fingers could grasp.. the thing, a large green snark of doom!! Quicker than a cheetah, stronger than a Tiger - available now at Wal-Mart!

</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt"></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">The snark exclaims. "Why is this whole story about Lep anyways? afterall he has deleted one and moved two of the damned things???" </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">The snark sighs in resignation, because he knows that its inevitably Leperous's say whether this even lasts the day.</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">Meanwhile Tracer Bullet notices that ...</DIV>

Orpheus has this huge knot on the side of his head, where his friend Brasso had seriously thwacked him with a steam shovel steering handle, because sometimes his friend doesnt know quite when to stfu... :wink:

meanwhile, back at the ranch....

Doc B...***running down the street :heee:

meanwhile, back at the ranch...

...monqui was compliing a big list about all the things that were great about banannas. One day he would have his dream, his fantasy.. a solid platinum bananna. He clutched his tinfoil bananna to his manly chest and jumped out the window screaming obsceneties at Kornflakes who was hiding in his hedges...

which were unkempt, overgrown, and shabbily tended, because in this story, everyone knows monquis' dont have thumbs, or haircombs that...

<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">
The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever. Into the kitchen, it was a complete mess. The table was flipped on edge, the chairs had been thrown around and blood was sprayed all over the walls. Everything was filled with bulletholes, as Leperous stood still for a second his genious mind counted 823 of them. Then he realised why he was here in the first place, THE CEREAL! He swiftly jumped across the floor and landed by the cupboard and looked into it...

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak tornado appeared, grabbing and tossing anything in its way. The house flew up and started to spin, with the poor, but oh so genious, Leperous inside who was now starting to shatter! All his once so beloved bodyparts were randomly thrown around and smashed against the walls. Then he fainted. When he woke up he'd lost his memory and could not understand why the number 1024 had some strange significance, or why he should be preoccupied with it, as he lay in a blody heap with the wreckage of a house still setteling about him.

Leperouse's keen, obsessvie intelect catalogued the carnage about him with impassive efficency. However, his scrutiny was to no avail. the tornado had obliterated all that might have helped him to regain his memory...then he saw it. he didnt know what it was as his brain that was once connected to his eyes was now soaking in butter. before his detached fingers could grasp.. the thing, a large green snark of doom!! Quicker than a cheetah, stronger than a Tiger - available now at Wal-Mart!

</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt"></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">The snark exclaims. "Why is this whole story about Lep anyways? afterall he has deleted one and moved two of the damned things???" </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">The snark sighs in resignation, because he knows that its inevitably Leperous's say whether this even lasts the day.</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">Meanwhile Tracer Bullet notices that ...
Orpheus has this huge knot on the side of his head, where his friend Brasso had seriously thwacked him with a steam shovel steering handle, because sometimes his friend doesnt know quite when to stfu... :wink:

meanwhile, back at the ranch....monqui was compliing a big list about all the things that were great about banannas. One day he would have his dream, his fantasy.. a solid platinum bananna. He clutched his tinfoil bananna to his manly chest and jumped out the window screaming obsceneties at Kornflakes who was hiding in his hedges... which were unkempt, overgrown, and shabbily tended, because in this story, everyone knows monquis' dont have thumbs, or haircombs that...any non-opposable thumbed critter in his right mind would possess, it had also come to the attention of those that be that if something serious didn't occur soon that...

</DIV>

meanwhile, back at the ranch....monqui was compliing a big list about all the things that were great about banannas. One day he would have his dream, his fantasy.. a solid platinum bananna. He clutched his tinfoil bananna to his manly chest and jumped out the window screaming obsceneties at Kornflakes who was hiding in his hedges... which were unkempt, overgrown, and shabbily tended, because in this story, everyone knows monquis' dont have thumbs, or haircombs that...any non-opposable thumbed critter in his right mind would possess, it had also come to the attention of those that be that if something serious didn't occur soon that...Gollum would have to give up writing his essay and attempt to rescue the proceedings from foundering upon the ephemeral but oh-so-solid Writers' Block. Valiantly he dislodged the festering spectre of Bertrand Russell from his keyboard, but even as that venerable logicist departed Gollum became aware that another apparition haunted his room. The shadows congealed into a single malevolent crimson glow as the Great Green Snark manifested herself. Billious and yet somehow alluring, she advanced upon him when all of a sudden Gwil dived through the (second storey) window wielding a joint and a bong for backup. With a deft flick of his spliff, Gwil.......

....pierced the eye of the great snark, and dove (again) on the telphone, quickly dialing up "Parsons Pest Control". recieving the answering machine, he listened ernestly to the pretaped message: "Do you have termites, waterbugs, and roaches?....bleh!!! parsons Pest Control will get rid of the termites and waterbugs, and help you smoke the roaches!!!...." help, help, he screamed, whilst turning his attention back to the quivering mass of female snarkness, shuddering in the afterglow of non-marital spliff...

....pierced the eye of the great snark, and dove (again) on the telphone, quickly dialing up "Parsons Pest Control". recieving the answering machine, he listened ernestly to the pretaped message: "Do you have termites, waterbugs, and roaches?....bleh!!! parsons Pest Control will get rid of the termites and waterbugs, and help you smoke the roaches!!!...." help, help, he screamed, whilst turning his attention back to the quivering mass of female snarkness, shuddering in the afterglow of non-marital spliff...

He took a long, hard look at the snark - that... sexy... snark. What am I thinking?! He mentally berated himself. He had only seen SnarkPorn(tm) before, but this was the real deal.

And then Cassius came in and slapped him in the face, in an extremely manly and piratelike fashion...

...with a herring. A female herring, I might add...

--==-- Poetic Interlude --==--

The fickle flood is spent; our thread untwines.
Restful on the swell we drift contented.
Our nascent storm too soon declines:
Its first fervour is abated.

Those first lines are the easiest -
Their novelty ensures.
But more must come: without the rest
The tale will not endure.

Sickly the day is breaking up ahead;
But mordent upon the ebb's rhythm soft
A gathering discord trills, that bears aloft
Our storm renewed, with blacker thunderheads.

--==-- End of Poetic Interlude --==--

The motley PitCrew, inspired or revolted each as befits his disposition towards prententious narcissism, turns toward the gathering storm with a fresh relish. A wild and reckless spirit takes hold of them as with full sail they prepare to face the tempest. Scanning the story for references to himself, Edge Damodred immediately jumps up to give an exposition of "Why Full Sail is so great but also such terribly, terribly hard work"; the rest of the crew groan and force him back down to the galleys, where he may employ his talent for terribly, terribly hard work.

Yet up on the main deck, dissent is brewing. Captain CCS fears a mutiny. It does not help his concentration that the cook, a hearty fellow by the name of Long Jon Rickenbacker, insists on calling all the decks "poop" with such peculiar glee. The captain is distrusted by his crew; they fear his enigmatic acronym conceals a past of pirate commands. So be it; he has his own reasons for discretion. Even as CCS broods upon these troubling thoughts, he is accosted by the cabin-boy Cassius, who appears as one in a state of mortal dread. The captain ushers Cassius into his chamber, whereupon the comely lad reveals......

[simg]http://www.snarkpit.com/pits/dr brasso/al_10031853.jpg[/simg]

.....branded across his shapely butt-cheeks. Trying not to snig.ger, CCS orders a cold compress to assist his guest's comfort. With wracking sobs the cabin-boy relates all his sorry tale of the last three hours. It transpires that he had, upon a fortunate expedient, sought shelter in an apple-barrel and thus contrived to overhear the secret plottings of Long Jon Rickenbacker and a number of the other crew. What the captain heard that evening shocked him greatly, for he was to learn that Rickenbacker had covertly......

<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">
The smear of blood trailing across the floor was like a knife to the heart, causing the mounting panic to break over Leperous in a flood. All reason was washed away in that instant, as he tore through the house shearching in vain for what he feard had been taken away forever. Into the kitchen, it was a complete mess. The table was flipped on edge, the chairs had been thrown around and blood was sprayed all over the walls. Everything was filled with bulletholes, as Leperous stood still for a second his genious mind counted 823 of them. Then he realised why he was here in the first place, THE CEREAL! He swiftly jumped across the floor and landed by the cupboard and looked into it...

It was gone! the box had been torn asunder, scattering bits of rice crispies everywhere; but the amulet was nowhere to be seen. absently noting the oddity of there being exactly 1024 cheerieos mixed in with the refuse, Leperous began to pace inccesently pondering the nights strange events. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak tornado appeared, grabbing and tossing anything in its way. The house flew up and started to spin, with the poor, but oh so genious, Leperous inside who was now starting to shatter! All his once so beloved bodyparts were randomly thrown around and smashed against the walls. Then he fainted. When he woke up he'd lost his memory and could not understand why the number 1024 had some strange significance, or why he should be preoccupied with it, as he lay in a blody heap with the wreckage of a house still setteling about him.

Leperouse's keen, obsessvie intelect catalogued the carnage about him with impassive efficency. However, his scrutiny was to no avail. the tornado had obliterated all that might have helped him to regain his memory...then he saw it. he didnt know what it was as his brain that was once connected to his eyes was now soaking in butter. before his detached fingers could grasp.. the thing, a large green snark of doom!! Quicker than a cheetah, stronger than a Tiger - available now at Wal-Mart!

</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt"></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">The snark exclaims. "Why is this whole story about Lep anyways? afterall he has deleted one and moved two of the damned things???" </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">The snark sighs in resignation, because he knows that its inevitably Leperous's say whether this even lasts the day.</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; MARGIN: 3pt">Meanwhile Tracer Bullet notices that ...
Orpheus has this huge knot on the side of his head, where his friend Brasso had seriously thwacked him with a steam shovel steering handle, because sometimes his friend doesnt know quite when to stfu... :wink:

meanwhile, back at the ranch....monqui was compliing a big list about all the things that were great about banannas. One day he would have his dream, his fantasy.. a solid platinum bananna. He clutched his tinfoil bananna to his manly chest and jumped out the window screaming obsceneties at Kornflakes who was hiding in his hedges... which were unkempt, overgrown, and shabbily tended, because in this story, everyone knows monquis' dont have thumbs, or haircombs that...any non-opposable thumbed critter in his right mind would possess, it had also come to the attention of those that be that if something serious didn't occur soon that...Gollum would have to give up writing his essay and attempt to rescue the proceedings from foundering upon the ephemeral but oh-so-solid Writers' Block. Valiantly he dislodged the festering spectre of Bertrand Russell from his keyboard, but even as that venerable logicist departed Gollum became aware that another apparition haunted his room. The shadows congealed into a single malevolent crimson glow as the Great Green Snark manifested herself. Billious and yet somehow alluring, she advanced upon him when all of a sudden Gwil dived through the (second storey) window wielding a joint and a bong for backup. With a deft flick of his spliff, Gwil.......

....pierced the eye of the great snark, and dove (again) on the telphone, quickly dialing up "Parsons Pest Control". recieving the answering machine, he listened ernestly to the pretaped message: "Do you have termites, waterbugs, and roaches?....bleh!!! parsons Pest Control will get rid of the termites and waterbugs, and help you smoke the roaches!!!...." help, help, he screamed, whilst turning his attention back to the quivering mass of female snarkness, shuddering in the afterglow of non-marital spliff...

[color=white]He took a long, hard look at the snark - that... sexy... snark. What am I thinking?! He mentally berated himself. He had only seen SnarkPorn(tm) before, but this was the real deal.

And then Cassius came in and slapped him in the face, in an extremely manly and piratelike fashion.....with a herring. A female herring, I might add...

--==-- Poetic Interlude --==--[/color]

The fickle flood is spent; our thread untwines.
Restful on the swell we drift contented.
Our nascent storm too soon declines:
Its first fervour is abated.

Those first lines are the easiest -
Their novelty ensures.
But more must come: without the rest
The tale will not endure.

Sickly the day is breaking up ahead;
But mordent upon the ebb's rhythm soft
A gathering discord trills, that bears aloft
Our storm renewed, with blacker thunderheads.

--==-- End of Poetic Interlude --==--

The motley PitCrew, inspired or revolted each as befits his disposition towards prententious narcissism, turns toward the gathering storm with a fresh relish. A wild and reckless spirit takes hold of them as with full sail they prepare to face the tempest. Scanning the story for references to himself, Edge Damodred immediately jumps up to give an exposition of "Why Full Sail is so great but also such terribly, terribly hard work"; the rest of the crew groan and force him back down to the galleys, where he may employ his talent for terribly, terribly hard work.

Yet up on the main deck, dissent is brewing. Captain CCS fears a mutiny. It does not help his concentration that the cook, a hearty fellow by the name of Long Jon Rickenbacker, insists on calling all the decks "poop" with such peculiar glee. The captain is distrusted by his crew; they fear his enigmatic acronym conceals a past of pirate commands. So be it; he has his own reasons for discretion. Even as CCS broods upon these troubling thoughts, he is accosted by the cabin-boy Cassius, who appears as one in a state of mortal dread. The captain ushers Cassius into his chamber, whereupon the comely lad reveals......



.....branded across his shapely butt-cheeks. Trying not to snig.ger, CCS orders a cold compress to assist his guest's comfort. With wracking sobs the cabin-boy relates all his sorry tale of the last three hours. It transpires that he had, upon a fortunate expedient, sought shelter in an apple-barrel and thus contrived to overhear the secret plottings of Long Jon Rickenbacker and a number of the other crew. What the captain heard that evening shocked him greatly, for he was to learn that Rickenbacker had covertly...... and coveted as this case might be, the secret to the branding of shapey buttocks, you see it had long been his fantasy to...

</DIV>

....destroy ze vorld wiv heez bad gyermann accent....

...and he had always wanted to do a bit of hiking with Mr Hilter, Ron Vibbenchop and Hinrich Bimler along the A39 to Barnstable...

gimpinthesink said:
...and he had always wanted to do a bit of hiking with Mr Hilter, Ron Vibbenchop and Hinrich Bimler along the A39 to Barnstable...

...but now he couldn't because his left leg was stuck in a bear trap that Leperous had set to deter anyone from stealing his beloved breakfast cereal. So, in his haste, Cassius mustered all the strength he had (which wasn't more than a weak blow of baby gas), grabbed his left leg, pulled, and to his horror he realized that instead of grabbing his leg, he grabbed the bear trap's tightening device, and with a sick snap, Cassius' leg broke in two. He lay there, whimpering, like a whipped pup, hoping that anyone could save him from his pains...and then, thru the window...

dr brasso apeared

...and waved his magic wand and released him from the evil bear trap of....

...lucifer. Together they decided to take the evil bear trap to a place far, far away where no one could get hurt. So they...

banded together, in their snarkpitty way and rustled the bear trap upon shoulder and back till they accomplished the task at hand.

suddenly a cloudburst upon them, raining cats and dogs till the water was up to the waist of normal people, and brow deep on a certain irish member, (which everyone playfully kept underwater till he passed out), after a time the troop paused to...

eat. That's when they realized that they didn't have anything to eat. So they decided to...

...eat. Oh, wait, one proclaimed, as he realised they were simply going arodun in circles. The party managed to swim, away from danger, only to stumble upon the Cave of...

Babes. They couldn't resist, so they entered the dark cave. After walking for 5 minutes they heard a bizzare sound...

It was a volcanic explosion, the likes of which hadn't occured since the early formative years of the planet. They all died. Then...

they all woke up and realized that it all just was a dream. But where were they??? They were in a very bright room with no doors or windows. Not even a single leak!!! "Where are those damn leaks when you need em!". Then they decided to...

reconsider how this train of thought was progressing..

about this time gollum noticed that the empty box of breakfast cereal that lep had discarded was moving..

..Gollum picked up the box and emptied it's contents, to reveal a small, walking, talking banana. The banana gave the party an incredibly evil look and said....

"how about a game of badmiton? If I win, you will be denied my valueble potassium content and die of a massive muscle cramp. If I loose you will be free to eat me and thereby survive the day"

in the mad rush to locate badminton rackets, nobody even too the time to ask "eat?" .. but the resulting hustle to acquire the rackets set off a chain of events that..

ended up with gollum knocking down every "birdie" he could swing at in his epileptic display of "shuttlec**k killing" prowess....now this being a generally levelheaded individual, he then....

...sold the talking banana to a freak circus and ate a chocolate bar instead, heedless of the need for potassium in his diet. Whilst cycling home he was beset with a sudden painful groin cramp, which meant he could no longer reach one of the pedals and had to use his left leg instead. Unfamiliar with this technique, he veered wildly across the road until......

a truck hit him. After a while in darkness, he woke up. He was in a nightmare. He could hear how the freak-banana was talking: "...

"GOLLUM," it snickers "GOD OF BOULDERS, MY HIND PEEL"

gollum cringes from the loud screaming BANANA thoughts striking every nerve in his sub-conscience.. in a last ditch effort, gollum,...

... played the grand piano while standing on his left pinky toe, composing a love note to Jennifer Love Hewitt.

A small, disshevelled monkey with a pirate hook for a hand...

suddenly appeared. He began to hack on the grand piano with his horrible hook while he screamed: "I love Jennifer Love Hewitt too. Now I'm going to kill you". Then Gollum went furious and...

OtZman said:
suddenly appeared. He began to hack on the grand piano with his horrible hook while he screamed: "I love Jennifer Love Hewitt too". Now I'm going to kill you". Then Gollum went furious and...

because he is the grammatically correct individual he is, used a rust inhabiter on the hook, thereby impressing the hell out of the pirate..

meanwhile, the composition of the forgotten cereal box started to...

--==Grammatical Interlude==--

That's rust inhibitor.

--==End of Grammatical Interlude==--

change, to one more or less resembling an alien race detector, you see, the race known as "rust" for which the inhabiter was created for originally, started making a buzzing noise, and indicating that the cereal box could be altering on the molecular level..

as gollum closed his book of "possible grammatical errors 101" he noticed...

a guitar, just laying in the road...it shined like the sun....and it mesmerized him to the point of blathering...he picked it up, and a shockwave pulsed thru his body....he'd always had visions of grandeur, being on stage, beautiful women tearing at his clothes, all the while playing the most beautiful notes ever heard. he strummed it once; he strummed it again; the feeling was one of....ecstacy!

Doc Brass... :dodgy:

that the water molecules which were incorporated into the celulose matrix of the ceareal box were spontaneously dissociating, and that the emerging eglomeration of hydrogen atoms was aproaching absolute zero. this phenomina astounded the scientificaly astute Gollum as it violated every law of thermodynamics simultaneously!

The cloud reached absolute-zero in .05 picoseconds, becoming an ultra dense boze-einstein condensate, the super-atomic properties of which were poised to destroy the world. however, before an electronic transition could occure which surely would have fried poor gollum with GeV gamma rays, the whole mass collapsed into iteself, forming a micro black hole, with a 3 m radius event horizion.

Throwing his friends at this monstrosity of quantum-relativistic physics, gollum was ammused to observe that the they never apeard to cross the event horizion, slowing down infinitly as they aproched. as he reached towards the thing he...

\\edit\\ damn! doc beat me to it!