A Real Story Thread

Every time I see one of those ridiculous 1 sentence per poster story
threads that amount to nothing more than gibberish I wish that they
were an attempt at a serious story with real persistent characters.

So, here it is. An attempt to start a real story thread. I hope a few
of you out there who consider yourselves to be writers will enjoy the
opportunity to share your talents with the rest of us. And I encourage
the rest you to contribute earnestly and seriously.

If someone writes something irrelevant, just ignore the post and
continue with the story. Eventually, we will come to the an end.
Perhaps when we do we will have a short story or maybe a novel. Either
way I will compile all the posts and put the composite here in the
first post for all to read in its entirety.

When writing, feel free to introduce new characters as long as they
make sense to the plot or the setting. Don't segue into a completely
new story with new characters who live on a moon base if we've been
talking about a man named Brian who finds himself lost in South America
(for example).

I don't want to presume to start this thread since I'm not much of a
writer. Perhaps Gollum or Tracer Bullet could post a reasonable
paragraph to start off this thread, keeping in mind that we most likely
have to mimic aspects of the initial post for the rest of the thread
(for example... if the first poster decides to begin the story with an
omniscient third person narrator, the rest of us should continue with
it).

But, just to clear up any confusion, I'll try to write a sample post
for you guys to get a feeling for what I'm aiming for with this thread:

Example:

"... He closed his eyes tightly and
tensed the muscles in his arms to fight the vibrations of the armrests
that kept him penned within his seat. He imagined he could hear the
tiny plastic windows rattling, even though the plane seemed ominously
silent at that moment. Everyone's breathing had apparently stopped, as
their stomachs turned with each unexpected drop and jolt. They were in
the last stage of their descent towards the jungle airstrip nestled in
the valley between two sheer mountains that stood like resolute
wardens. The combined weight of the four of them, including the pilot,
didn't seem to be able to compensate for the humid tropical air that
buffeted their flying metal coffin. In the last few seconds before the
plane touched down, Brian couldn't help but imagine, in slow motion,
how it would feel to die in this solitary sun-baked part of the
world..."

Please excuse the crappiness of that paragraph. That is perhaps more description then is necessary, and of course
whoever does start off the story will determine many aspects of the
writing style, but that paragraph was just a demonstration of the type
of serious writing I'd like to see.

So... someone who likes to write please start us off. Try to establish
a few specific details, such as a central protagonist or location, but
allow for some creativity on the part of the next writer.

Oh one more thing, if you do have suggestions in regards to additional
rules for this thread, or changes to the current rule of 5 sentences
minimum / no maximum, let me know. Nothing is set in
stone, I just wanted to try out a serious thread, and haven't put
extensive thought into its development or regulation.

As the sun trickled away behind the desolate horizon, Jess let out a sigh
of relief. "It's over". Two simple words had finally laid to rest a
chapter of her life she could have done without. Seven years had been
spent in this place - seven years without hope, without salvation. But
how wrong she had been; there was hope, there was salvation. It was right there in front of her, silhouetted against that damn sun.

<br style="font-style: italic; color: gray;">
I haven't done any writing in ages, so umm...if thats too s**t feel free to start again :biggrin:

---

[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Default/reno84.png[/img]
Designer @ Haiku Interactive | ReNo-vation.net

A man wearing something undefinable. Standing there in hot desert sand.
Jess wasn't able to see much against the sun, but the figure seemed to
stand still. For a moment everything remained still. The silence started to become
threatening.

If this seems like utter crap then ignore it.

---

''Everyone wades in s**t until they're competent enough to walk on it. Jesus style.''
Dystopia - Empires

the man gave a sly little smile and turned, walking away. as he slowly moved away from her she cosidered the situation. was this the salvation and hope she was after? she looked around at the desert. there was nothing. as he moved farther and farther away she felt more and more compelled to follow. a moment later she smiled happily at herself and set off after him. some how she just knew... he was the answer

this was a great idea Morphine, i quite like writing.

---

Bullet Control: $5000 for a bullet.
"I would blow your f**king head off! ...if I could afford it. I'm gonna get another job, start saving some money... then you a dead man!"

Edit: goddamn it.. didn't see your post rival... I'll try again.

Answers. She'd spent the last seven years looking for answers,
exploring the limits of humanity, seeing it at it's worst and at it's
best. She'd seen villains, but villains don't exist without heroes.
She'd seen the heroes too.

She could identify the man, the man in front of her, walking away into
the sunset, the man with the answers. She hadn't known at the time that
the questions would be more important than the answers, but she knew
that now. She had more use for the questions, and he had the answers.

That's when it hit her, it was him, it was

... no. it couldnt be. she had to see his face. she was about to run at him and look straight in the eye but she caught herself - it couldnt possibly be him. that fire four years ago... no one could have survived. but before... he looked familar. it must have been the sun obscuring her vision. she gave sigh of frustration and wordlessly quickened her pace considerably.
but everytime she moved closer he sped up keeping the distance. she stopped for a moment and watched him. he too stopped and turned slightly, just enough to give a glimpse of his own face. but she was blinded by the sun, his face wasn't clear. he turned again slowly and continued on his way. she looked around at all this pointless sand in despair but looked back up at the man. again she felt that feeling of hope ... destiny. she started to walk slowly after him again watching him walk, carefully observing his movements. as she watched she was filled with a sense of satisfaction - this was the right thing to do.

---

Bullet Control: $5000 for a bullet.
"I would blow your f**king head off! ...if I could afford it. I'm gonna get another job, start saving some money... then you a dead man!"

She confidently powerwalked after him, assuming that she would blend in more readily by seeming like a random person on an exercise binge rather than a crazy woman following the man that she might know, that might know everything she desperately needed to know. Only one of these was plausible to the other pedestrians, so she didn't consider herself too worried about "being spotted," unless it was by him, and it really was him. She'd hoped that with her brisk pace that she would have shortened the gap between them, but even though he never even looked back at her, he was always able to keep ahead of her, as if he had omniscient eyes in the back of his head which told him "It's her. Keep walking."

Of course, he didn't have to be him to walk faster to avoid her. People tend to avoid other people walking after them, and if they do it because they don't know who's following them doesn't particularly matter since the result is the same as if they did know, but didn't want to.

---

One day you'll know what you're talking about, I can hardly imagine

Maps! - Audio blog!

Drops of glistening sweat fell from her tired brow; her breathing grew
heavy. Powerwalking took its toll on her emaciated, corpse-like legs.
Combined with the searing sun, this new obsession was draining life out
of her. Now she knew why they called this desert the "Devil's Hammer."
The sun never slept. The wrinkled pamphlet in her pocket dismissed the
blatantly symbolic name as an "example of local color." Well, damn the
locals, damn the sun, and damn this blood-stained shirt wrapped around
her waist.

I can see it now: The Snarkpit Novel, only $10 on Amazon!

<span style="color: gray;">We seem to have developed a convention for
writing comments in dark grey. I hope some more extensive comments are
within the spirit of this thread (feel free to inform me otherwise).

Hurrah for Morphine! (I've always wanted to say that.) Great idea. These forums certainly have the brains to
make a good attempt. Don't expect too much though; I think a novel is
unrealistic.

One problem is commitment. I know, because that's my novel's Big
Problem. It's even worse with a team -- each writer is chary of
enforcing his own ideas upon others, and therefore no-one commits to
anything. If we don't do something soon, our woman in the desert could
be following this man for a ludicrously long time. We've built up
expectation for a dramatic (section?) conclusion (salvation, end of seven years,
the mysterious stranger who holds the answers, recent violence). This
is a simple but effective hook for the reader. Now we need to describe
what happened leading up to this.

Oh dear. I appear to have written too much. Apologies, and blame the
dialogue. Maybe I'm trying to achieve too much in one post, but I feel 15
sentences is a little low to move the story forward. And if we
don't have scope to move the story forward within one post, then it
will be hard to depart from an existing section; periods of transition
need to be fairly self-contained.

<span style="color: white;">He turned to watch her, and bowed slightly. He's mocking me; he always did. But now he feels safe enough to drop the pretense. Arrogant dickwad. </span></span>Clearly
her quarry was willing. After a few hundred metres they came to the
chasm wall, and she saw him open a door in the rockface. Even three
years ago, this would have astonished her; now she felt no surpise.
He left the door open and after a few minutes -- she was in no hurry --
Jess followed inside.

"Tea? Coffee?" The room was small and bare, except for a desk and two
chairs. He was already seated behind the desk, and was proffering
items from a snack tray. Flys mated on the walls.

"Hello Jackson."

"Come now Jess, why don't you call me Uncle Amyas anymore?"

"Same reason your skin doesn't burn, Jackson."

He sighed. "And they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Nevermind. Sit down and have a cupcake."

"Are they drugged?"

"Of course."

She complied; it wasn't a genuine choice.

"Now, my dear, I'd like to hear your side of the story. From the beginning, if you would be so kind."

"Yes Uncle Amyas."

<div style="text-align: center;">* * *

<div style="text-align: left;">Jess Norman looked at the brochure for the third time that evening. Now that the trip to "Devil's Hammer" was confirmed, she couldn't stop thinking about it -- what an adventure!

</div>
</div>

{deleted for genericity by the author}

---

I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Gollum, I'm glad you like the idea.

I agree that the 15 sentence minimum was very constraining. It
was just an initial figure I thought I'd put out there. I've
since removed the maximum limiation, trusting that no one will be
posting 500,000 word epics anytime soon.

And Nickelplate, I'm a little confused, I thought Gollum had just set
us up to flesh out the very beginning of Jess' adventure. That
time roughly seven years ago when Jess Norman had first heard about
"Devil's Hammer"....

Scheisse! I thought that was his signature and I completely disregarded it!!!

---

I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

It's no big deal. You can edit it or we can just disregard it.

why does it have to be disregarded? Amyas knew her all those years ago too, that was the pretense of them meeting, she was meddling in someone's affairs and he was supposed to kill her, the whole story goes from there...

---

I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

It's more a question of flow but you're
right it's fine where it is. I'm just being subjective right now,
forgive me... on with the story!

{deleted for genericity by the author}

---

I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Perhaps some more ground rules should have been specified ... such as tense, angle ... and probably should have had a thread discussing the plot outline ... that way this would all seem coherent ...

Nickel, you do realize you've summarized every RPG ever, right?

But seriously, I was going to add something ... but I have no idea what you set up there (anything I'd write would seem incoherent in regard) ... you need to flesh it out a little more ... don't leave it open within a tension moment, no one else knows what you're thinking, right? I mean ... you just killed off a person that appears to be the motivation for the story and more importantly, the readers first exposure to the main character's reasoning.

Also, if you would, describe where the hell she is ... I thought "The Devil's Hammer" was a desert ... at least that's what was already established. How is there police, specifically 911? What city ... ? As far as I know she just organized a trip with a travel agent to some place called Devil's Hammer ... and there's a metropolis city ... at least, that's the way it comes off, since your only description is "an ally"

I'm not picking on your or anything, but ... you need to put more in now, since you wrote something very obscure.

---

Blame it on Microsoft, God does.

[Nickelplate deleted this!]

No offense, but I don't understand why you
introduced all this "secret order" business into the story, which would
all be reliant on what you are thinking in your own
head. Now the rest of the story has to conform and explain why this old
man is sending assassins after Jess, which kind of defies the spirit of
this activity in my opinion.<br style="color: gray;">
<br style="color: gray;">
ANYWAY... I would continue the story, but I
have ths same problem as Crono - I'm not exactly sure where to
continue, even after reading that timeline. shrugs Someone else go? =\

Okay ... so ... you just defined the entire story on your own? :razz:
Which, no offense, of course, is very generic. Generic enough that I don't know what to do with it. It's not even interesting anymore, to be honest ... not to be harsh. So, either, FIX up the situation you currently have the characters in, as in ... introduce this assassin fellow, create a small conflict, resolve it so we can build upon that ... it just wont work if you explain something half way and expect someone to do the harder part ... which is wrapping it up and putting it all together.

Make sense? I appreciate the timeline ... but that's not what I was looking for. Advance the story .. don't kill it dead in its tracks.

---

Blame it on Microsoft, God does.

The challenge here is for each contributor
to add something to the story, without trying to conceive the whole
plot, and then finish with an opportunity for the next contributor to
continue. It's difficult, because everyone wants to have a vision
of the story -- but your vision is not going to be the same as anyone
else's.<br style="color: gray;">
<br style="color: gray;">
It's a fascinating exercise for me. We
are being forced, by the nature of the enterprise, to avoid
heavy-handed plot. We are being forced into letting the story
grow, and seeing where it takes us. Have the courage, please, to
allow this process to continue.<br style="color: gray;">
<br style="color: gray;">
I suggest that, instead of looking for Big
Plot Moments, we try to add little scenes that add something consistent
with what we already know. Maybe something to develop Jess's
character or history? Flashbacks, digressions, or meditations are
allowed.<br style="color: gray;">
<br style="color: gray;">
Whatever you do, don't try to provide a
complete plot outline. If you see an opportunity to advance the
story, fine -- but leave it to others to make the next move.

what's the use of me writing a masterpiece plot when other people are going to steer it away from the original intentions? of COURSE it's generic and boringish. But, have your way, mate. I deleted all my s**t.

---

I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Lets try and get this going again. Continuing on from Gollum's end...<br style="color: gray;">

Her boyfriend's thinly veiled view of the trip aside, family and
friends alike had shared in her excitement. "Bless his heart though",
she chuckled, it was going to be the longest time they had spent
apart, by a margin dwarfing those that had passed. "I'll send him a nice
postcard, that ought to cheer him up" she concluded, knowing full well
that Jamie had always detested the things. Perhaps this one would be
different, given the circumstances. But then perhaps one postcard wasn't going to cut it for a 6
month hiatus. Maybe she could buy a batch at the airport on arrival to
save some of that underwhelming budget?

As it dawned on her that these were hardly the most pressing of
matters, a customary knock on the door accompanied its immediate
opening. The formality of such proceedings had long since vanished
between Jess and Sarah.

Not much story development here I know, but
after chases, mysterious figures, assassination attempts and more in
the first few entries, I figured we could bring things back to earth a
little :biggrin:

---

[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Default/reno84.png[/img]
Designer @ Haiku Interactive | ReNo-vation.net

what's the use of me writing a masterpiece
plot when other people are going to steer it away from the original
intentions? of COURSE it's generic and boringish. But, have your way,
mate. I deleted all my s**t.

<span style="color: gray;">The original intentions? Whose?

Your plot wasn't s**t, but it was no masterpiece either. No-one
should be trying to produce a plot outline for other members to
follow. We need to offer some freedom for contributors to develop
the story in ways that occur </span>to them, not just to you.

<br style="color: gray;">
I like the way Reno is leading this. Something down-to-earth after the dramatic introduction :smile:

of course it hadnt been too long since they last met, back when Jess was just a rookie to this whole business. even now though, after so soon, she felt like a veteran.
The meeting was a little unsettling. Jess and Sarah both shuffled where they stood before anyone said anything.
Sarah's stone cold face was crack by the hint of a hidden smile. "it hasnt been that long Jess!"
"Well, you knew better then anyone i couldnt stay away from this for too long." Jess beamed a full grin back at her.
Sarah moved out of the sandstone doorway to let Jess pass. Jess walked into the hovel. just like she would have expected of Sarah, the house was completely spartan: there was little in the way of luxuries. a couch out infront of a polished wood table. a clay island seperating the basic kitchen from the rest of the house. she heard the door shut and turned back to sarah.
they looked at each other for a few tense minutes before sarah said anything.
"So, where have you been the past few weeks? You completely vanished."

---

Bullet Control: $5000 for a bullet.
"I would blow your f**king head off! ...if I could afford it. I'm gonna get another job, start saving some money... then you a dead man!"

I didn't say mine was crap OR a masterpiece. I was just saying that why WOULD I make a masterpiece and plan it all out when other people are going to change what i so carefully planned anyway? see? No problems I just took my stuff out so people can get on with thier lives. lol. :rolleyes:

---

I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

I didn't say mine was crap OR a masterpiece.
I was just saying that why WOULD I make a masterpiece and plan it all
out when other people are going to change what i so carefully planned
anyway? see? No problems I just took my stuff out so people can get on
with thier lives. lol. :rolleyes:

<span style="color: gray;">Ah, I see. I misinterpreted your words. Mea culpa.</span>

There's a small reaquest I would like to make: I'd like it very much if everyone who contributes towards this story would pay some attention to their grammar. I don't mean every damn line should be exactly by the book. I just prefer reading text with capital letters and periods in their righful places. Thank you for your time.

---

''Everyone wades in s**t until they're competent enough to walk on it. Jesus style.''
Dystopia - Empires

Jess moved silently to the small kitchen. God! We might as well have been conjoined twins. I'm gone for 20 days and her whole world starts caving in! Jess couldn't complain outloud though- not to her only remaining kin, not to her sister. She took a seat in the tiny breakfast nook, her favorite part of the house.

"Well, come out with it, Jess! Where in the world did you go this time? And don't even try to convince me you were with him."

"I wasn't." Jess replied calmly.

"See! I know exactly who you've been dealing with. You were working for Jack again, weren't you. You'll never go back to the way it was before- to the way YOU were before. You've gotten a taste, and you just can't bear to let it go. That's fine. See if I care when you look back on your wasted life. If you're even alive enough to look back."

Sarah's words had an edge. They always did.

I think Jess and Sarah's characters got mixed up a few posts before, but that's alright... let's stick with this story.

"It's always so nice to see you again Sarah." Jess didn't attempt to
veil the sarcasm. Within 30 seconds the two of them were fighting
again, and Jess resented her sister's inability to leave the past
behind.

"Don't talk to me like that," Sarah put in forcefully, "even though you
think you've grown up, I'm still your older sister." Sarah hesitated momentarilly before adding, "I honestly
don't know how Jamie puts up with you."

The second the words were out
of her mouth Sarah knew she had overstepped an unspoken boundary.
A frost seemed to enter Jess' cobalt blue eyes. Sarah shivered
involuntarily, and grasping for a subject change blurted out, "Oh, I
almost forgot. He gave me a call and wanted me to tell you he'd
be running a little late. He should be here soon though..."

Sarah, unable to hold her sister's gaze, cast her eyes towards the
doorway expectantly. As if in answer, the wind picked up outside, and through the
frosted glass both women could see the cold air probing for a way into
the warm cottage. Only a few leaves stubbornly clung to their
branches, and the gray sky seemed heavy with forming snow.

Jess' mind wandered back once more to the warm sun of "Devil's
Hammer." Well, perhaps warm was an understatement. Her
index finger traced the outline of the image, on the brochure's cover,
of a rose nestled within
the eyesocket of a steer's sun-bleached skull. The image was both
beautiful and intriguing, and Jess had the strange feeling she had seen
that image
before, somewhere. In an O'Keefe painting if any of you Pitters were wondering :smile:

Before Jess' mind could pin down the memory, a loud noise from the back of the cottage interrupted her reverie.

I'm not an experienced writer, but I hope that gives someone else something to go on, or work from.

"Uh, what was that sound?" asked Sarah. Unfortunately, Jess wasn't listening; she was
currently preoccupied with surfing majestic golden sand-dunes. Brad Pitt
reassuringly followed behind her, warning her to be careful and slow
down.

With a short sigh, Sarah stood up and looked outside the frosted
window. Then she looked again, just to be sure. A stuttering yellow blob hovered
outside, spouting dark grey smoke. The blob began to shout various
curse words, which were barely audible through the white blizzard
outside.

The walls of the cottage were visibly shaking now. Jess dropped her favorite teacup for the second time that week.

"Hey Jess... Is that... A bulldozer?"

<br style="color: gray;">
A little something for you Hitchhikers fans.
Oh, and clinical studies have shown - adding Brad Pitt to anything
makes it 200% better.

"Jess dropped her favorite teacup for the second time that week." HAHAHAHA.

Jess looked out the window excitedly at the mention of a possible bulldozer, and as soon as she saw that it was indeed a bulldozer, she ran outside to greet it.

Sarah wondered what a strange lass her sister was when she ran outside at the sight of a bulldozer, but she supposed that everyone's engines revved differently. Maybe she was just one of those hardcore enviromentalist types who was looking to chain herself to the bulldozer for some God-forsaken purpose. Maybe Jess figured she knew the bulldozer operator; that'd be a pretty standard reason to run out after one. Sarah knew one thing for sure: she'd have to go outside and watch the fireworks in whatever form they might take.

---

One day you'll know what you're talking about, I can hardly imagine

Maps! - Audio blog!

<span style="color: gray;">This thread has too much potential to just let die.

<span style="color: white;">And at that moment, half a world a way, Adam (Paradise Lost anyone?) opened his eyes. For the first time in what felt like months.

The little sunlight that managed squeeze through the dirty windows was
enough to make him to close his eyes and turn away. He focused on
rubbing the crust out of his eyes as an excuse to keep them closed, but
eventually the muffled clatter of falling books in the hallway drew his
attention to the only door in the room. He stared at the door
with more than a little trepidation. His dulled mind was already
racing, calculating how long it would take for him to open the window
and scamper off, when the door swung open, banging loudly against the
run-down burea.

And take it away folks!

</span></span>