mom's joke # twenty something something....

Mom thinks about me sometimes in other funny, yet subtle mom-like ways...im still her baby...

U.S. Marines are always taught:

<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>1) Keep your priorities in order; and </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>2) Know when to act without hesitation. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>A U.S. Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
One of the courses had a professor who was an a vowed atheist and a member of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>One day he shocked the class when he came in, looked to the ceiling, and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>It got down to the last couple of minutes when the MARINE got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-c**ked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>The MARINE went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the MARINE and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>The MARINE calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid s**t and act like an ass. So he sent me!"</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Doc B... :dodgy: </DIV>

Not quite as funny as the others... and no mention of moms...

it's his mothers joke , and i liked it.. :biggrin:

thx brass :razz: made my gray saturday

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.else /me ~kill you
www.arclan.net

Nice, I liked this one :smile:

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Dark_Kilauea
DVS Administration
http://www.dvstudio-production.com/

Urrrhhhh..... ok..

/me liked. Was predictable, but nice anywho's. :smile:

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The best things in life, aren't things.

ok, wasnt her best, but come on now gwilly.... even yer dry ass shoulda liked this one just a bit.... :heee:

Doc B...

Gwilly has a dry ass!
Gwilly has a dry ass!

I liked it. The joke not the dry ass. :biggrin:

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

I liked it, very patriotical.

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Posting And You

WOOOOO!! AMERICA!!!! YEAH!

I like america.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Yeah, that's what wasn't so great about it. It was like America
f**k Yeah. I could start a big debate about God and whether or
not your troops are defending s**t, but... I won't :biggrin:

aw come on frenchy...i certainly didnt mean it as a political pop of any sort man....i'd think any canadian, french, british, or whoever should be proud of their country, and enough so to do the same thing if this prof was slamming you and yours, or theirs.....so chill dude....eh??

be happy....its a "stab at the man".... :wink:

Doc.... :dodgy:

..........oh yeah, and it was a joke from an old lady for christs sake...lighten up dude

new one... (at least to me it was... )

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their
new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Alabama. He bragged that he had
told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had
given his wife orders that she was going to do all the cleaning, dishes
and the cooking. He told them the first day he didn't see any results,
but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the
dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Nebraska girl. He boasted that he told her
that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,
laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the
first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,
but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the
dishwasher and telephone a landscaper.

:dodgy:

nice

Is there any point to her being from Nebraska?

Hehe, nice. The regions probably mean something most people who aren't
American wouldn't know about...so the joke was probably incomplete for
me. But it was still funny :biggrin: .

Nebraska is Doc's home State. The joke needed an origin, he chose his.

Substitute any home you wish but the joke is still funny as hell.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

pardon me, but if you have something on yer tiny little f**king mind there frenchy, grow some balls, and state yer f**king case, you no-mind little baked good.....keep bangin', im up for it..... :wink: bah....isnt worth the time.....i try to put a smile on a few faces, and thats the result.....interesting.

Doc B... :dodgy:

Dr Brasso said:
pardon me, but if you have something on yer tiny little f**king mind there frenchy, grow some balls, and state yer f**king case, you no-mind little baked good.....keep bangin', im up for it..... :wink: bah....isnt worth the time.....i try to put a smile on a few faces, and thats the result.....interesting.

Doc B... :dodgy:

Hey Doc. Did you hear the one about the kid from Ontario who's mom made him wear funny clothes? He was so scarred that he opted for a breakfast food for an online handle.
/runs giggling maniacally

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The best things in life, aren't things.

pardon me, but if you have something on yer tiny little f**king
mind there frenchy, grow some balls, and state yer f**king case, you
no-mind little baked good.....keep bangin', im up for it..... :wink: bah....isnt worth the time.....i try to put a smile on a few faces, and thats the result.....interesting.
Doc B... :dodgy:

Woah, holy s**t, where did that come from? I was just wondering
if there was something particular to that region that woulda made the
joke funnier to Americans. I never said I didn't enjoy it.

French Toast said:
Woah, holy s**t, I really need to learn what smileys are for. Thanks for showing me Doc.

There, I edited your reply to conform more fully with the humourous atmosphere that was intended in Doc Brasso's reply. Humour, is a necessity Frenchy.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

French Toast said:
Yeah, that's what wasn't so great about it. It was like America f**k Yeah. I could start a big debate about God and whether or not your troops are defending s**t, but... I won't :biggrin:

looks to me like you kinda just did.

he's got a point FT

quit taking jokes so seriously though man :biggrin:

pardon me, but if you have something on yer tiny little f**king
mind there frenchy, grow some balls, and state yer f**king case, you
no-mind little baked good.....keep bangin', im up for it.....

Maybe my bulls**t detector isn't quite developed yet, but when a post
starts like that and has one smiley... I don't think you can be
astonished when I take it seriously.

Easy to misinterpret, Doc, if we didn't know you. Give these young uns some discretion period :wink:

To be honest, I'm still finding it hard to find anything meant as humour in that, and the smiley hardly makes it obvious it is a "joke" if thats how it was meant. I think it comes across as a really offensive and completely unjustified response to what was a perfectly valid question. Anyways...

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[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Default/reno84.png[/img]
Designer @ Haiku Interactive | ReNo-vation.net

It's attitudes through thread-crossover syndrome, or something..

ReNo said:
To be honest, I'm still finding it hard to find anything meant as humour in that, and the smiley hardly makes it obvious it is a "joke" if thats how it was meant. I think it comes across as a really offensive and completely unjustified response to what was a perfectly valid question. Anyways...

What you need to do Duncan is, disregard the words and read it as a sentence from a person you know well.

Its true that upon the surface it looks horrible, but when you take into account Doc Brasso... You come up with something slightly different. Perhaps its simply a case of learning the origin. Perhaps its simply a case of going with the side of caution. Perhaps its a simple case of, who gives a s**t, move on.

In the end it boils down to one thing really, are you willing to be offended over it? If its worth it, then go for it. If its not worth the time, then, move onward.

I read it as a twist of humor in the respect of saying the opposite. If I read it incorrectly, then all I can do is just read it as such.

Anyway, I saw it as an "A-typical" Doc Brasso reply and in that light it contained no offense since, Doc usually speaks without being cryptic. Perhaps the very thing is that being misunderstood is the very reason not to get upset.

shrugs

Perhaps, you and I do not know Doc well enough to have an opinion. Negative or otherwise. Think on that Duncan.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

sure gwilym, there is some crossover at play here.....

i find it interesting you think it was out of line duncan; so be it....i dont read every line of every thread that comes down the pike, and i dont expect you to either, but this is one that, imho, if you really want to comment or chew my ass on my tone, or my outburst in general, then do some homework.....

frenchy, do NOT be coy or patronise me sir.....you know exactly what im talking about, so get off the "poor me" bulls**t.

....ah well, when all is said and done, it matters not anyway....ill tell ya one thing though, it wont happen again.....

Doc B...

See, I was wrong again. Am I upset? Not in the slightest.

Possibly, I might need do a bit of homework as well, but I still do not see it offensively. Perhaps, because Doc never pisses me off, nor I imagine could he if he were to try.

shrugs

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The best things in life, aren't things.

French Toast said:
Not quite as funny as the others... and no mention of moms...

maybe the confusion lies here.

FT, it seems you think the jokes are meant to be about mums. they are actually jokes that the Doc's mum tells him. seeing them as such might cause less confusion in the future.

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i eat paint

leave it alone guys, its done.....reno, gwillym, somebody, feel free to lock this pig.....im done with the moms jokes....they are personal to me anyway; i suppose i should have kept them that way....

Doc B...

There is no f**king reason to deprive the rest of us of them just because your feelhearts are hurting at the moment.

You're older than Frenchy. Show it.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

jon, my good friend, i think this is the closest ive ever come to wanting to knock you on your ass, my brother........

Doc B... :dodgy:

If it will make you feel better, go for it. I am here at your disposal ol'man.

Sleep on it, you'll feel differently tomorrow.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

I see no reason that you should stop posting these. Ithought that
they were moms jokes like "your moms so fat..." etc. etc. Now I
know better. I never meant to offend anyone, and was asking a
simple question. You said that the women were from different
regions, and I was wondering if taht added to the humour. Then
you came back with a post that was not a joke, even if that's what you
intended.

frenchy, do NOT be coy or patronise me sir.....you know exactly
what im talking about, so get off the "poor me" bulls**t.

And this? I'm sorry, but I don't know exactly what you're talking
about. Poor Me bulls**t? Maybe I haven't known you long
enough as Orph said, but I'm sure to anyone else you came off as a real
asshole.

If you'ld care to tell me exactly what you're talking about, because I don't know, I'm all ears.

You know what, French Toast? That post right there is the most mature thing I've ever seen you post. I'm proud of you. Really, no jokes, no sarcasm: just truth. It was really mature and just cool that you apologized instead of getting all pissed off about it like some other people might.

Dr Brasso, I like your mom's jokes, don't take them away from me.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

I've seen way too much f**king immaturity on these boards lately. Every little argument escalates into a flame war and everyone wants to be right. I'm also tired of all the sneaky ass bulls**t some people are pulling. Acting like asshole and trying to cover it up with witty remarks is getting really old. Man I thought I was immature at times. Damn these forums use to be a lot more enjoyable. I know no one probably cares but if this crap doesn't end soon I'm probably not going to be coming here anymore.

Stop getting threads locked people!!!!

Calm.

It's hard to when you can't even read a thread without having to scroll through all the bull.

Amen, Spartan. I too am getting tired of people acting like jerks and then trying to cover it up by telling the other posters they are immature, or something else.

Really, I don't want to stop coming here, because it's been a part of my life for almost 2 years. But seriously, let's post without getting defensive, offensive, and all pissy. That's what bugs me the most, when people think that its insulting to be disagreed with.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

It seems that this site suffers when there is no increase in actual mapping content. While there are always at least a few questions floating around on the editing forum(s) It seems people are much kinder when dealing with creative material and aspect of this community.

Here, we have a mild discretion that got carried away (quickly). It's not that big of a deal. Has anyone else noticed the correlation: soon after members stop giving creative input (whether it be map or tutorial submissions or comments on a current map), it gets more tense around here. People seem more irritable, and that ALSO drives a lot of people away, because they are coming here for mapping not quarels. It's odd that a mapping site has more "Recently Insert Subject" threads occurring more often than maps. There's over 3000 people registered on this site and currently (and on average) there are only, about, three mapping threads "alive", only one or two of which seem like actual works and not practice (no offense to anyone! :smile: )

I think, generally, it'd be a good idea to keep the hostilities to a minimum, because it's obviously driving people away. Wasn't what made this site great the feedback you got? The help from people more experienced than yourself? Or even the general creativity that's flowing everywhere. Lately it's just been ... bleh.

I think by this weeks end, I'll try to help this out by beginning submitting a series of tutorials for beginning Snark Pit Alumni. I hope, in some small way, this will help new members get started, as well as inspire current and older members to help make this place an awesome community to be apart of again.

So, much of that doesn't belong in this thread. SO I apologize for that much. But I would like to say that Doc, if you choose not to share your mommas jokes anymore, that's cool. But, I for one have enjoyed them tremendously over the years I've been here. And, hey, if you don't want to because of this, you can always tell stories about your work and youth. I know you have plenty to speak about there! :biggrin:

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Blame it on Microsoft, God does.

It seems like an awful lot of the hostility is actually imagined to me.

If by "flame wars" people mean "heated discussions" - we've had those at the Snarkpit for a very, very long time.

I've been good for ages now......

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i eat paint

Gwil said:
It seems like an awful lot of the hostility is actually imagined to me.

If by "flame wars" people mean "heated discussions" - we've had those at the Snarkpit for a very, very long time.

Quoted for truth.

Now, some might say that "I", meaning Orph, should be the very last person to be contrary to this but IMO, most of the heat is imaginary. Sure, we have heated topics, but none of the newest members seem to remember the REAL hostility of Snarkpits beginnings. Nothing, and I mean nothing compares to some of our truly explosive threads of 3 or 4 years ago.

In all honesty, I look forward, and in some cases incite a topic because it seems to be stalling. IMO, a good hearty debate can be enlightening. Look at it like this. If you cannot handle a relatively benign confrontation in a forum where REAL damage to you is nearly impossible to achieve, how are you going to handle an "in your face" ordeal in real life?

I am not saying that you will have to deal with physically violent ordeals, I have not had a real fist fight in over 20 years, but there are ordeals that are of the non-violent nature that can rip your asshole clear out and leave you bloody for years. (Metaphorically speaking guys)

Most of you people who always cry for a topic to calm down, or want one locked, or even claim that there is to much violence may need to reassess your situations a bit.

There is nothing wrong with being a pacifist. I think its a truly warriors opinion to be one. If you disagree, try being the only calm one in a fist fight. But constantly crying about how horrible it is in here is simple crybabiness. There simply isn't enough hatred to warrant a "boy who cried wolf" mentality.

My advice, if you are still reading my words is: Stand back and allow the chips to fall once in a while.

@Fish.. I miss the old Fish. We had much more fun as adversaries than buddies.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

I'm not sure if the lack of creative activities incite make the place more tense or prone to arguments, but it certainly makes the place less interesting for a lot of us. I've started a big tutorial on the lightmap system (not just how to use it, but how it works, why should should change it, and the effects of doing so) but I had mates up this weekend so couldn't finish it off and now I'm behind with my honours project and ought to be working on that. As for mapping - maybe once I'm done with uni I'll get back on track with that. I wish the place was more active than it is - its the main reason I started that WIP thread in the mapping forum - but the HL2 scene just isn't as alive and kicking as the HL1 scene was :sad:

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[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Default/reno84.png[/img]
Designer @ Haiku Interactive | ReNo-vation.net

I was thinking just the other day. If it weren't for steam, I could still frag HL1DM. I might not have done so often, but the option would have been there. Perhaps option enough to motivate another HL1 map.

sighs

I hate 56k. Its the ultimate tease.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

Why does Steam stop you playing?

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[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Default/reno84.png[/img]
Designer @ Haiku Interactive | ReNo-vation.net

ReNo said:
Why does Steam stop you playing?

Oh, huh.. Lets see.. How about the megs of daily updates? Updates that take upward of 10 hours.

I fear even turning it on because last time I forgot that I was in here and it noticed that I was online and started updating. I lost the ability to even run HL1 that day because the update is incomplete.

Other than that? No reason at all.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

It's far from daily Orph - once a fortnight is more accurate, at least these days. Also, just turn off automatic updating on games you don't often play. You'll still have to handle the Steam platform updates and updates to games you want to play, but HL1 isn't exactly regularly updated :smile: I'm not saying Steam is ideal for 56k users, but if you want to play HL1 its not THAT bit a stumbling block.

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[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Default/reno84.png[/img]
Designer @ Haiku Interactive | ReNo-vation.net