The Story, A Dramatic Tale in Hundreds of Parts

I tried to kick it apart with my almighty,clip brush destroying, kick, but...

I stubbed my toe. So instead I ate the clip brush and it tasted like....

^^^

ur my hero

But it wrapped round my foot, after that i found out that it was another Transforming Ant and i decided to use it by.....

Following it to Cybertron, The Gamma Rays in the Earth's atmosphere destroyed the mysterious mapping block.

Once on Cybertron, I was kindly introduced to Optimus Prime. I forgot how friendly that ant race was. I was informed of the plight that Cybertron was facing with the Decepticons, So I made a deal. Optimus hesitantly agreed to my plot. I offered him my abilities to fight the Decepticons in return for him assassinating a selected list of annoying individuals back on Earth.

We flew back to Earth in haste, I decided to observe Optimus at work to make sure he got the job done.

The first target was ... (make it good ...)

...Crono.

It was a slow, miserable, lonely death as well.

The next on the list was Kage_Prototype, who died even slower and more painlfully than Crono (thought I'd save you the trouble :razz: ).

Too bad one of the two quickloaded... I'm not really sure wich of the two but it was a pretty straight action...

Anyway, so Optimus was contacted but his targets had now time to prepare...

slowly the ranks of snarkpitters diminished, and it looked like all was lost until the ninja-assasin ant reached Lep's name on the list. what to do? where to find him?

there had been rumours that he was holed up in a secret bunker somewhere, possibly reviewing maps, but they were only rumours. after chasing around the world several times in search of the ellusive snarkmaster, always one step behind him in a global trail of flakiness, the ant gave up and turned to his more sedate hobby of........

Contract Assasinations. fishy commisioned the ant to "hit"...

...The robot version of...

...Barney the dinosaur!

And he said "I want your children, now
come, and let me ravage you..." To which I screamed and said....

"AHHHHH, You'll never get me alive!" I the ran to...

His evil twin, barnard the parrot, who pecked his....

Bag of dog food.

I stole his bag and continued my escape through the dark landscape. I then ...

Made some home made cheese using a can of tomato soup and some saran wrap.

As I took the plastic wrap off the oddly made cheese Optimus went berserk. He began rambling on about me not having purpose, when I had plenty ... I was the key to stopping the decepticons. His prime directive was then overridden by some other force and he tried attacking me! I kicked him in the throat and, to my surprise, it worked!
He started coughing and choking on his spit. Then he started bleeding ... it dawned on me, this wasn't Optimus Prime at all. I began opening the chest cavity to the coughing robot. and found a black ant inside ... the transformation ant on my shoulder (yeah that's where it was), jumped down and confronted it ... I have no idea what they said, but they sounded pissed off.

I began wondering where the hell the real Optimus Prime was.

[Back on Cybertron, Decepticon headquarters, Dungeon]

It turns out he was Back on Cybertron, in the Decepticon headquarters, in the Dungeon, accoring to my gps tracker that I attached to him. In order to get there, I...

Jumped on the back of Puff the Magic Dragon and teleported there using a nightlight.

decided to barter with some passing aliens (some distantly related cousins of the Decepticons) who had a thing for collecting manly testicles.

i turned and seen ballblue at my side. a flick of the trusty rusty can opener and i was offering up my fare for the ride to Cybertron, but the bastards said my meagre offering would only get me as far as.............

The upper atmosphere of Earth. "That's no good", I thought, "I have to find some more balls to offer otherwise I'll never get my assassination droid. I ran to the nearest 7-11 and asked where I could find some testicles.
The Store clerk replied, "You're looking for the testicles? I always thought the one would come to claim the ancient ..". I couldn't stand his gibberish any longer, so I punched him in the face and took all his money. "I can buy some balls at the Black Market", I said.

When I walked into the Black Market (Located on the corner of Annihilation Ln. and Hellrazor Rd. across from McDonald s) I noticed there was a 30% off sale on modern hand guns. I rummaged through this bargain bin of guns and found ...

a Nutzatron (tm). According to the label attached to it, this gun could transform anybody into a sack of testicles. After promptly purchasing the weapon, I used it on...

Nugget. As I went to look over my handywork I saw...

He actually got turned into a giant monster that eats people whos name starts with an "F" on online forums. After Nugget had his fare share of desert I decide maybe this gun could come in handy so I...

shot a hole in my own underwear.

Then, I turned into a pair of giant testicles.

i fought off the overwhelming desire i had to post a link of a movie i made of myself, and instead rolled myself onto Prof. Steven Hawkins' lap (who just happened to be passing, and had offered me a lift) where we began to talk about.......

....string theory, black holes, and the general problems with the standard model of particle physics. As you can imagine, Gordon Freeman was very interested in the discussion, so he teleported himself back from city-17, and in doing so, proved the validity of an entirely different theory known as quantum loop gravity. HE and Hawking immediately began arguing about the significance of the event, so I surreptitiously stole Gordon's crowbar and....

rolled off to my pre arranged meeting spot. When I got there I saw...

.......through the small opening in the thick folds of skin that were enveloping my eye...........

a gigantic snark, walking towards me!! I knew what I had to do. I ....

Poked it in the eyes and ran...

Into his brother who abrubtly...

...gave me a cup of tea, and asked me if I wanted to come to his lan
party. Apparently he was very kind, unlike his brother. I said
"yeah, why not" and followed him.

It turns out he was lying so then when I walked into the room the lights went out and I got sacked. The next thing I know I wake up in a trash campactor and I hear some marines laughing.

Luckily I had a recycable sticker on my jacket so they had to send me to the recycable plant, which luckily for me was made out of cardboard...

I was hoping that my escape though would be more exciting. Like jumping onto some crates, finding a crowbar, and escaping through a drainage vent in the bottom of the comapctor. But as it turns out you can't always rely on people so I continued to the cardboard recycling plant which was actually a front for...

asda own brand cornflakes. the cardboard that was brought in was being sold on as cornflakes, and not recycled into nerve gas like the contract specified. this was an outrage. i needed help. luckily i had lifted Prof. Hawkins' moblie, and its list of numbers i found the very thing..........

Ghost busters!

Oh wait, I realized that was the wrong number, I started to dial the correct nuber, which was to...

...

...call in an airstrike...

on my house. After I destroyed my house for no reason I decide to go to...

the netherlands to buy some wooden shoe's.

but the evil snark had evolved into a fire-snark and had breed a army
of little fire-snarks. they had occupied the netherlands and where
invading germany.

so i took my........

trusty crowbar and smashed the snarks with a vengance. After killing
hundreds of them...

I felt very tired. I just had to sleep, so I decided to...

Have strong brewed coffee. This best part of waking up, is Folger's in your cup, they say. After a few refeshing gulps, I was revitalized so I...

While asleep, I involuntarily smoked copious amounts of crack cocaine.

My life sucked so hard, that I continued to sleep. I slept for decades,
even for centuries. When I woke up, it was the year 2555. I was
shocked! How was this possible?!

"Nah...probably best not thinking about how its possible I slept so long without dying" I thought to myself, quickly acclimitising to the year 2555 I hoped on a hover bike and went off to the shops to buy something to eat. The implausibly tall, slender buildings loomed overhead, like in Blade Runner, but without Harrison Ford. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw a gigantic, metal...