Official Joke Thread

It would probably be funnier if I knew what the hell a gynaecologist was. I still laughed though :biggrin:

They're doctors for a lady's funny parts.

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One day you'll know what you're talking about, I can hardly imagine

Maps! - Audio blog!

Hugh said:
They're doctors for a lady's funny parts.

Word. Vaginas are weird.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

ahhh....but there is no substitute... :dodgy:

Doc B... :heee:

and you think vaginas are weird\....wait till ya have to deal with the wrapping
for the rest of your days...

What do you call an overweight alien? An extra cholesterol. (I thought it was funny.)

Dr Brasso said:
ahhh....but there is no substitute... :dodgy:

One site told me there is, its like an electric one :razz:

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-[Better to be Honest than Kind]-

Fleshlight?

French Toast said:
Fleshlight?

d00d! I get popups for that ALL THE TIME when I am searching for torrent files!~

Haven't bought one yet... yet..

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Heisenberg was driving in his car when he was pulled over for speeding:
Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going, sir!?"
Heisenberg: "No, I've no idea. However I knew exactly where I was!"

If you don't get this joke, count yourself lucky, and call me a nerd.

:wink:

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a dutch guy and belgian get caught by a tribe on an island. tribe leader lets them live for 2 conditions

-collect 100 pieces of the same fruit
-bring them to the tribe for 2nd task

off they go. the belgian arrives first with 100 berries. "good", says the tribe leader, "now stick them in your arse 1 by 1 and you'll live". and so it goes. Its hard but he seems to be getting there. but alas, at the 99th he starts laughing and out they all come, after which he gets barbequed by the tribe.

In heaven, Peter asks "why the hell did you start laughing ?! you were almost there !"
-"i saw the dutch guy arriving with coconuts"

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On the bus, a guy spots a nun Sister and is extremely sexually attracted to her. He goes over and tells how he feels. "Jesus is the only man in my life" she replies. After she gets off the bus, the busdriver tells the guy: "i know her, she prays every morning at the riverside, maybe pay her a visit and try to get lucky?"

Next morning, the guy appears, dressed up like Jesus, walking over the river on poles which he placed there that night. He walks over to her, saying "I'm Jesus, here to consume my marriage".

"Jesus?.. Is.. is that really you? Oh but ofcourse i will grant your request. Unfortunately i have my periods :sad: " she says

"I will consume you from behind then", he says, and so it happens.

After a while the guy gets remorse and confesses: "ehm, i'm terribly sorry, i'm not really Jesus"

Upon which she turns around, takes off her cape and says: "Oh thats no problem silly, i'm not really that nun, i'm the busdriver !!"

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These words are my diaries screaming out loud

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman where going to be executed by a firing squad

The Englishman was taken tto be executed first and he thourght I've got to get out of this some how so when the man asks if he has any last words he says yes and shots EARTHQUAKE as the firing squad takes cover he hops it over the wall.

Next it's the Scotsmans turn and hes thinking that was a good Idea I'll try something like that so when hes asked if he has anylast requests he says yes and shows TIDLEWAVE and as the firing squad takes cover he hops it over the wall.

THe Irishman was up next and he thourght to himself that that was a good Idea and He would have to think of something so when he's asked if he has any last words he sasys yes and shouts FIRE

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I was looking for a certain nun joke cos I like it but I couldnt remember how the middle part of it went and I found a couple more good ones. So I'll start with the one I was looking for.

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Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells. St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates. St. Paul: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?" 1st nun : "Adam and Eve" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates. St. Paul: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?" 2nd nun : "An apple" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates. And finally it came the turn of the last nun. St. Paul : "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?" After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that's a hard one!" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates!

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Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

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One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said "Wow what a goddamn fish!" The sister said "Sir you shouldn't talk to me like that: I'm a nun", and the man said "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish". So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said "Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught." The mother superior said "Sister, you shouldn't talk like that!", and the sister said "But mother superior, that's the name of it: a goddamn fish". So the mother superior said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll clean it." While she was cleaning the fish the monsignor walked in and she said "Monsignor look at the goddamn fish that the sister caught." The monsignor said "Mother superior you shouldn't talk like that!", and the mother superior said "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish". So the monsignor said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll cook it". That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said "Wow what a nice fish". And the sister said "I caught the goddamn fish." And mother superior said "I cleaned the goddamn fish". And the monsignor said "I cooked the goddamn fish". And the new priest said: "I like this f**king place already!"

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Tinterweb site
Deviantart

Human knowledge belongs to the world

<div style="text-align: center;">Q1: If you knew a woman who was
pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were
blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend
that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.

Q2: It is time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
martinis a day.

Candidate B He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used
opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't
smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital
affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt

Candidate B is Winston Churchill

Candidate C is Adolf Hitler

If you said yes to the abortion question...

...you just killed Beethoven.

</div>

you bastard, you made me kill Beethoven!

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Q: What do you call a vagina with teeth.

A: A Vicous c**t.

I got [quote]Candidate B is Winston Churchill[/quote] and didn't kill Beethoven. Honestly. A war-veteran can not rule a country.

Q: What do you call a vagina with teeth.
A: A Vicous c**t.

This reminds me of that one joke in Blade Trinity-

Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?

A: See you in 28 days.

AH HAH HAH. Yeah... :/

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"Azelito, stop being a f**king bitch. All I see you do is complain and insult people in your recent posts. We don't care, go find a razor you emo pansy..." -Windows98

I don't get it at all

This reminds me of that one joke in Blade Trinity-

Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?

A: See you in 28 days.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8521/windows981dk.jpg

Nickelplate is my dad

wil5on said:
Why are black people black?



COS THEY ARE BLACK LOLOLOLOL

yeah right, wilson. nice joke
here comes mine...
how does a tomatoe sneeze?
ketchup, ketchup

:rolleyes:

Warloks reaction was funnier than the joke.

Only slightly tho.

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"If you talk at all during this lesson, you have detention. Do you understand?"

• My yr11 Economics teacher

wil5on said:
Warloks reaction was funnier than the joke.

HAHAHAHA

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Bullet Control: $5000 for a bullet.
"I would blow your f**king head off! ...if I could afford it. I'm gonna get another job, start saving some money... then you a dead man!"

How do you automaticly filter out all the s**t posts in this forum?

You close your eyes.

MEHEHE best so far -_-

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God got tired waiting all sunday for the world to compile and finaly had it.
On the Eight day, god created func_details, and he saw that it was fast.

A comedian is telling a joke. "So, these two Jewish guys are on a bus,"
At this point one member of the audience gets up and says "Hey look, I'm Jewish and I'm sick of hearing all these jokes about Jews. Pick on some other group for a change."
The comedian says, "Okay then. There's these two Muslims on a bus. And then says to the other, 'I was at my son's bar mitzvar the other day...

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Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.

RaPtoR said:
How do you automaticly filter out all the s**t posts in this forum?

You close your eyes.

I was noticing this same thing. nobody, using the "search function" and this HAL clown posting one-word threads every 2 minutes...

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

How do you make windows crash?

Turn it on.

Hah, it's funnier now!

/rolls eyes