My Book

I'm in the process of writing a few books right now, I love to make s**t up and I want to make money from it, because I'm pretty creative.

The one I'm making right now is called a "Toilet Journal"

While sitting on the john one day, it occurred to me that some of the best ideas we have come to us while in the loo. One of my better ideas in years popped into my head just then. I will make a small bathroom firendly book with attached writing utensil that you can write them down in. It will be a small book with lined pages. at the top of each page will be a funny quote or fun fact about toilets and bathrooms and poop. There will be 5 or 6 sheets of emergency toilet paper in the back as a cute touch and the cover will look like toilet paper.

I'm collecting quotes and limericks and stuff for it now, Anyone got any?

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

When you're climbing up a ladder and you hear something splatter...

you know the rest of the song.

When you're drivin' in your chevy and your pants start feelin heavy,
When you're sliding into third and you feel a juicy turd,
etc.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Funny, since I was recently at someone's house where they had a notebook and a pen reserved just for this purpose. They called it the toilet guest book.

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Some people are like slinkys...

They aren?t really good for anything, but you can't help but laugh when one tumbles down the stairs.

I have placed a pad next to my bed so I can scribble down my dreams. Unfortunately I can't write while I'm sleeping. And as soon as I wake up I have either forgotten what I dreamed or I don't have the time to write it down.

Considering all this; I assume a loo-pad would be the best idea since the invention of the electrical refigerator.

Nickelplate; you're a genious.

PS. This week seems really crappy meeting in IRC because I have to go to bed early, because I need to get upt not so late. I will be away over the weekend. But after that I am going to fix that issue.

Regard; and good lock.

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Never try to be perfect - just try it and make the best out of it

Nice idea. Good luck and be sure to let us know all the fun facts about poop. :wink:

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What the Snarkpitters listen to!

I think there are books out there about this, where it just has random useless facts you can read while takin a big one.

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http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8521/windows981dk.jpg

Nickelplate is my dad

Windows 98 said:
I think there are books out there about this, where it just has random useless facts you can read while takin a big one.

Yeah, but does that book have the place you can write your poop-ideas? (which are some of the best Ideas we have, because it's our "alone time")

AND a pen for it? AND maybe I WILL put a guestbook part in it. If that angle pans out

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

i found a dead guy on the toilet one morning at work.

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i eat paint

wow, err, where do you work?

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What the Snarkpitters listen to!

A church, lol.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Seriously?

Thats so weird it might actually be true...

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http://maze5.net

Did he really die trying to push one out? What has America come to if its to much for us to s**t...

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http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8521/windows981dk.jpg

Nickelplate is my dad

Windows 98 said:
Did he really die trying to push one out? What has America come to if its to much for us to s**t...

not everyone that posts here is from america, btw. i'm certainly not, and neither was the dead guy. but that aside, it's still very common for people to die of heart attacks while straining to push out a s**t.

and it was a hostel that i worked in, not a church. i played 'hunt the stiff' every morning for many years, and i think i made double figures, though maybe it was one or two short. the strangest was finding one in the same room 2 days running.

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i eat paint

THERE WAS 2!? HOLY CRAP!

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http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8521/windows981dk.jpg

Nickelplate is my dad

You're calling me?

Want some? Come and get some.

Do you know what they died of? Drugs or what?

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Never try to be perfect - just try it and make the best out of it

It may not be entirely relevant, but I once saw the following written on a bathroom stall:

<BLOCKQUOTE dir=ltr style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
They paint these walls to silence my pen,

But the s**t-Can Poet strikes again.

[/quote]
I thought it was clever. Enough so that it has stuck in my mind for five years now.

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Some people are like slinkys...

They aren?t really good for anything, but you can't help but laugh when one tumbles down the stairs.

no, not drugs. the 2 in a row were old guys that already had a smell of clay about them, so old age/hard living. Harry, the guy on the toilet had a massive heart attack, and will forever have the shape of the toilet seat embedded on his arse. (for some reason, i always think of Harrys arse when i think about him. :/)

i've found a few that have died from drug overdoses though, and helped save probably dozens more.

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i eat paint

Hmmm, Ive only seen dead people at wakes. It must "scare the s**t out
of you" when you have to pinch one out and you open the stall to crap
and theres a dead guy sitting there.

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http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8521/windows981dk.jpg

Nickelplate is my dad

Windows 98 said:
Hmmm, Ive only seen dead people at wakes. It must "scare the s**t out of you" when you have to pinch one out and you open the stall to crap and theres a dead guy sitting there.

Why anyone would want to take a poop in a stall that had someone in it is beyond me.

Did you know that more than 50% of your feces' dry weight is bacteria? And you thought you were alone when you sit there and have a private moment...

I am quite desensitized to s**t already, as I have to routinely remove hard little s**t from the anus with my fingers (for my constipated patients). Boy, wouldn't you want to have my job.

I was on the potty when I was eleven, and the idea for a drawing came to me. It turned out to be the winning idea for an artistic contest in my school.

That's some good s**t!

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"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -- Toulouse-Lautre, Moulin Rouge

You know how to make this book better? Make it store somewhere toilet stuff goes, such as inside the roll on the roll holder or something. That way it doesn't get in the way too!

As a fee, I demand 10% of whatever you get :razz:

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-[Better to be Honest than Kind]-

I am quite desensitized to s**t already, as I have to routinely
remove hard little s**t from the anus with my fingers (for my
constipated patients).

You're a proctologist too, eh?

We who write on s**thouse walls,
roll our s**t into little balls,
Those who read these words of wit
can eat my little balls of s**t.



rifk

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Just like ma'h daddy used to say starts to cry on Nickelplate's shoulder. :heee:

I was just checking a baby for constipation and the mother brought some stool sample for me to see. The diaper opened, and the piece of s**t just rolled down, right on my shirt and pants.

Isn't it great being a doctor?

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"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -- Toulouse-Lautre, Moulin Rouge

satchmo said:
I was just checking a baby for constipation and the mother brought some stool sample for me to see. The diaper opened, and the piece of s**t just rolled down, right on my shirt and pants.

Isn't it great being a doctor?

ah, and to think, I'm training to be one. But probably not a poop-doctor. More of a crazy-criminal-doctor.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

haha...

...poop

I thought for a while of becoming a doctor myself...well, not a poop
one, though :smile: . In spite of this, im gonna get a degree in
architecture and aviation[(neat combination, eh?); no poop when making
buildings nor in the air :evilgrin: ].

Dirty Sanchez

haha...

...poop

Nickelplate said:
<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting satchmo</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>I was just checking a baby for constipation and the mother brought some stool sample for me to see. The diaper opened, and the piece of s**t just rolled down, right on my shirt and pants.

Isn't it great being a doctor?

ah, and to think, I'm training to be one. But probably not a poop-doctor. More of a crazy-criminal-doctor.</div></div>
Great... so you'll have bodily fluids and feces flung at you intentionally rather than just by accident!

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Some people are like slinkys...

They aren?t really good for anything, but you can't help but laugh when one tumbles down the stairs.

so you'll have bodily fluids and feces flung at you intentionally

Isn't that what happened to Jody Foster's character in "Silence of the
Lambs" when she visited Hannibal Lecter in prison? Another
prisoner masturbated and flung his semen at her.

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"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -- Toulouse-Lautre, Moulin Rouge

word, she was a man about it too, she just went "yuk" and moved on.

Here I sit,

Broken Hearted,

Tried to s**t,

But only farted.

? quote:
I was on the potty when I was eleven, and the idea for a
drawing came to me. It turned out to be the winning idea for an
artistic contest in my school.

That's some good s**t!
TTIUWP. (of the winning idea, not you on the john).

I
was just checking a baby for constipation and the mother brought some
stool sample for me to see. The diaper opened, and the piece of s**t
just rolled down, right on my shirt and pants.

Isn't it great being a doctor?

Aahahahaha, stop it, you're killing me

@ Gaara, that's a great one! In fact, i'm gonna change my MSN name to it.

Pranced around,
Did a little dance,
Tried to fart,
But s**t my pants.

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Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.