Embarrassing Stories

Reminded of the "non-aroused random boner" (NARB) phenomenon while
posting in the "How's That Again" thread I decided to come over here
and share my most embarrassing story.

So, a little less than four years ago I was in the hospital about to get
surgery. It was the summer after my Junior year in highschool and
I was getting a deviated septum straightened to help me breathe better
and stop snoring.

It was about 30 minutes before I was due for surgery, and I was waiting
in the pre-op room in the hospital all by myself. I was wearing a
hospital gown at this point, (you know the type where it only ties in
the back and you feel very very naked at all times) lying in bed
watching TV. The room itself had two beds as I recall, and I was
in the furthest one from the door. I distinctly remember watching
Gilligan's Island on TV when all of a sudden I got a phantom boner, a
NARB.

Trust me, it wasn't from Ginger or any of the other lovely castaways...
it was just pure randomness, but I figured it would go away soon.
10 minutes pass and this phantom boner is still lurking beneath the
sheets. I start to get a little worried. Having to deal
with it in front of nurses and my parents is a distinct possibility
that I don't ever want to happen. So I try to think about stuff
that would make this phantom boner go away. I try thinking about
cold showers, running, playing baseball, dead kittens... the works.

10 more minutes pass and there's no change. I'm getting really
worried now. I try not thinking about it with the hope that it
will go away, but to this day I'm convinced that the minute you're
desperate for an erection to go away, you're screwed because it won't.

So... finally the door of the room opens and this elderly female nurse
with a wheelchair is waiting at the door with my parents. "It's
time for surgery!" She cheerily announces.

My mind is racing at this point. In any normal phantom boner
situation I would have gone for the "up-tuck". This tried and
true procedure has been independently discovered by every male sometime
over the course of puberty and it consist of sliding the boner upwards
and tucking it firmly between the belt / waistline of the pants.
Normally, this completely conceals the problem. However, in my
situation the "up-tuck" was useless, as I didn't have a belt let alone
a waistline, just a one-piece, flowing, breezy cotton hospital gown.

Realizing I have to do something I
swing my legs out of the bed away from my parents and the nurse.
My mind is racing furiously. Finally, out of pure desperation I
try the unorthodox and never before tried "back-tuck." Only a man
in my desperate position would have come up with this s**tty
idea. Basically, I attempted to tuck my boner between my legs and
keep it there by squeezing my legs together. This would be
possible, though uncomfortable, without an erection, and I can assure
you with an erection it was a painful painful experience.

But I was desperate. So having the "back-tuck" in place... I
start to waddle over towards the nurse and my parents. It was
probably only 5 or 10 meters from me to the door, but in my panicked
state it seemed like an entire football field stretched out before
me. The fact that I couldn't walk normally and had to waddle
slowly and carefully towards them, while pretending everything was
normal and that I wasn't walking like a jackass didn't make the
distance any shorter.

So of course, halfway between the bed and the grinning elderly nurse
with the wheelchair the unorthodox "back-tuck" fails me. My
phantom boner comes swinging out from between my legs... rapping the
front of the hospital gown like a jack-in-box.... and stays there like
a f**king tent pole.

In that one moment in time... my entire world was in shambles. My
mother's mouth dropped. The nurse's face grew crimson red... and
I couldn't even look at my dad. But I acted quickly.

I immediately launched myself towards the wheelchair. As I flew
through the air I rotated my body away from the trio of stunned adults
and landed ass first into the wheelchair... hunched over like I had a
stomach cramp.

I was mortified. There is no other word for it. I can still
remember being wheeled down that long hospital corridor ... passing
room after room of patients, thinking to myself how amazing the
anesthesia is gonna be -- so I don't have to be conscious anymore.

That was, by far, the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to
me. I can laugh about it now, and I tell this story often to my
friends (they can't stop laughing when I do)... and I thought some of
you might enjoy it.

Alright, have you got a story more embarrassing than mine?

have you got a story more embarrassing than mine?

Erm, nope.

Awesome story though.

LOL! This deserves my 1337 post!

I must say I've never done anything worse than that.

However,
once when I was 7 something and was in school I needed to use the
bathroom pretty badly. For some reason I decided to wash my hands
first. I turned the tap on, and the water was ice cold. And when my
hands suddenly got so cold my poor 7 year old self couldn't hold back
no more, so basically I peed my pants. I then had to walk back to the
classroom, leaving wet footprints behind, asking our teacher if she had
a moment (I leant through the door to not reveal my wet pants). I then
had to explain what had happend and I got another pair of pants (a
light-blue pair to make it worse). And that was about it.

As I said, not close to the AtMs "tent pole" accident.

[edit]

AtM, what did your parents/the nurse say afterwards?

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What the Snarkpitters listen to!

OtZman said:
AtM, what did your parents/the nurse say afterwards?

Well, on the way to surgery no one said anything that I can
remember. I mean, what exactly could they say to me to make it
less awkward? Even if they did say something to me I was too
traumatized in that moment to really take it in.

After surgery, my parents never brought it up and of course I've never
mentioned it to them. Thankfully I never saw that particular
nurse again. She probably asked to be transferred to a different
section of the hospital for all I know :smile:

ouch, that sucks

nothing that bad has ever happened to me

..hmm it'd have to be walking out of this girl's bedroom half-naked to find myself face-to-face with her dad. "..good morning mr. henning" ..he just stared at me, horrified.

always assume "parents will be back tomorrow" means "parents will be back tomorrow morning".

You tried the Back-tuck? FOOL! You're supposed to flick yourself in the nuts, dude.

In 6th grade, my friend and I were having a peeing contest in this nasty old bathroom in the elementary school and you have to squeeze REALLY hard to be able to pee OVER the stall and onto the next kid over. I got what I deserved, i guess. because after I was done with the high-pressure environment i had to fart. It was one juicy toot, fellas. I kinda d-shat my pants. Luckily I was, for some unknown weird reason, wearing boxers AND briefs that day so I just kinda changed out and tossed the briefs. Only my friend and the nurse knew about it. My friend was a sadist/sociopath so he probably told everyone anyway.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Holy crap, I have a s**t my pants story too... but I'll let more people share some stories before I bust that one out.

Does the nut flick really work for getting rid of phantom boners?
I think you're just trying to get me to hurt myself in the future.

Bewbies, I've been in a similar situation but it was my Dad and I had
to bulls**t a reason why I had a girl in my room... and why she was
hiding between the door of my room and the wall.

Ah yes, the up-tuck. Not much help when you're swimming though,
as the tip sticks out when you get outa the water... I think you
can figure out my story...

(And I find it shocking that there aren't any female members around) :dodgy:

Hahaha, some classic tales of woe here I see! I had a bit of a bad one not too long ago, though probably not as bad as any posted so far I wouldn't say. During the summer, a bunch of us had gone down the beach for the evening, and most of us were pretty wrecked by the early hours of the morning. I had hooked up with a girl that stayed out of town so she came back to my place, which I figured could be kept a secret given that only my mum was in the house and she would be fast asleep at the other end of our fairly big house and off to work early the next day. What I failed to remember in my drunken state was that my Uncle had come up to stay and was in the spare room... the room right next to mine. Seeing him the next day was a tad awkward to say the least, but he never said anything about it, and I assume he never mentioned it to my mum either. I avoided him for pretty much all of his visit due to that little incident!

Also had another embarrasing incident in my only time spent in hospital. I was in to get my appendix out, but they weren't sure if that was the cause of the pain I was having or not, and as such I'd been kept in there for a couple of days as they decided what to do. One day the nurse/doctor/whatever came in to check on me by stabbing his fingers into my lower stomach area and checking where it hurt most, and due to the location of where he was checking me I was left with my, er, nether regions exposed. They'd done this a few times which was embarrasing enough, but this time they came with a bloody troupe of medical students. I was about 14 or something at the time, which was NOT the sort of age you like multiple ~20 year old students - INCLUDING female ones - seeing you in all your (non-existant) glory! I also missed the girl I fancied at the time's birthday party while I was in hospital; gutted :sad: Oh and in they end they didn't even take the damn thing out, saying it was actually something to do with my glands. Madness!

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[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Default/reno84.png[/img]
Designer @ Haiku Interactive | ReNo-vation.net

ReNo said:
They'd done this a few times which was embarrasing enough,
but this time they came with a bloody troupe of medical students. I was
about 14 or something at the time, which was NOT the sort of age you
like multiple ~20 year old students - INCLUDING female ones - seeing
you in all your (non-existant) glory!

I think this one might be worse than mine! I'm seriously laughing out loud to myself at the idea of this.

I'm sorry you had to go through that...

That's rough, ReNo. I had heart surgery as a youngster so only my top was off when the hot female medical students came in to feel me up.

Humm, most embarassing story I have (that I can think of/am willing to tell you) is back when I was in the 2nd grade, there was one restroom pass and without it you couldn't go potty. And I REALLY had to go, so I asked the teacher if I could and she said "Not until Ross comes back!" so I waited another 10 minutes, the kid's still not back, I ask again, she says no again... I wait a few more more minutes and then piss myself while I'm on the computer. Luckily it didn't short-circuit but embarassing nonetheless.

Oh, just remembered... around that same age, SOMEHOW I hadn't learned the proper way to take a piss (i.e. unzip, get your unit out and go) so I'd just drop my pants altogether in front of a urinal. Bastards didn't even give me any comments on my creamy white buttocks...

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One day you'll know what you're talking about, I can hardly imagine

Maps! - Audio blog!

lol, hugh that made me think of a friend of mine who, just for the sake
of weirding out some people, stood on the toilet lid in our highschool
bathroom to take a piss

he also used to drop his pants just for the effect

Oh my... where do I start.

• Holding back a huge one in class (gas), pressing down on the seat to block it, and hopefully send it back upstairs for a bit. Girl walks by, trips, grabs my desk for balance, shoves me, I lose my grip for a second - explode with the loudest fart you've ever heard in the middle of a dead silent class. Then get in trouble for it.

• Get drunk one night, go home with my girlfriend, sneak up to her room. Wake up the next morning with her dad pounding on the door. Try to hide in the closet, but there's no door... so I'm standing there in my birthday suit, cupping myself... he walks into the room and see's me of course.

• Mom walks in on me uhm.... 'doing something I wouldn't want to be caught dead doing'.

• Got so stoned one night, I was at the gas station to put a few bucks in the car. Pumped for what seemed like an eternity... saw a 3 on the meter (I was only getting 3 bucks gas), thought I was finished...went back to the car and waited for my girl to come out of the store. I hear someone over the gas-pump intecom. It's the gas station worker, asking me if I want to pump the rest of my gas.... sofar I had only put in 30 cents. Needless to say, I didn't drive the rest of the way home.

Wow, you guys have some great stories.

AtM, the nut flick is what nurses do to you when you get "Sponge-bath Wood" they flick and bye-bye dick.

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Ooh. Well next time I'm put in that terrible situation I'll keep it in mind.

Let's just hope that next time, you don't attempt a back-tuck while doing ANYTHING but lying down with your legs bent so your knees are in the air. lol

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

lol

the other problem i see with the back tuck in those hospital gowns is if you put it back to far and someone got behind you

I was the visiting doctor at this teen shelter (runaway, homeless teens) during my residency. After seeing a bunch of minor illnesses, I walked into the room to examine this sixteen year old girl, who suppose to have a headache.

After I closed the door, she took off her gown, revealing that she's completely naked otherwise. I could almost see the Master Card commercial for this scenario:

No bras: -20 dollars
No underwear: -10 dollars
Feigning sickness: 0 dollars
Taking off your gown and watching the young male doctor's reaction: priceless

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"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -- Toulouse-Lautre, Moulin Rouge

So wait Satchmo, what's so embarrassing about that? :dodgy:

Puh, luckily enough I haven't got into any of such embarrasing occurences. They are hilarious enough, and even if I get a boner sometimes I don't want it, my mind has control over my body, I only need to think of a hamburger to get rid of hunger for a bit. The same with having erection. Just thinking of something unsexy (such as Monopoly :razz: ) is more than enough. And usually without thinking on sexual activities for half a minute or so, I have a fall. So... what more could I want? :biggrin:

Another thing however, is with Stomach Winds. I like Stomach Winds. They are so relieveing. When they come when nobody is near :razz:
I have a big problem with all kinds of salads. Potatoe salad, rice with macra (or whatever it is, crab meat or smth) salad and pasta salad with ham... all that you can buy from local groceries or markets. Anyway, those things cause me to have massive Stomach Winds in span of starting from couple of hours to half a day till next morning or half a day after next morning. Luckily I have mastered the skills of holding it in, only minuscule side of this is that I get also huge stomach aches from it. So whenever I have a chance, I "release" a bit :razz: I would have so much embarrassing moments to talk about.. luckily I don't.

Also nobody has caught me on "doing something I wouldn't want to get caught at". I can pick times of day when everyone are in bed and snoring loudly for this. PLUS the bathroom door is locked :razz:

Damn... I am one lucky fella'...

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HL2 tutorials 'n' stuff: http://madedog.pri.ee
217.159.236.34:27050 - CSS Server - Clean | koffer.ee

Oh god, I'd have to say my most embarrassing moment was when my mom caught me doing you know what. I was embarrassed as hell. What happened to knocking these days?

I've never been caught "Doing you know what." I'm sure everyone's parents KNOW they do it though. because if you say you never have and you don't I'll stab you in the face.

Satchmo: good to see you back here. I think your story is pretty embarassing. Was she a fugly tubber? or was she hot?

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Yes Satch, do tell. Pics :smile: . Also, If I recall my sister caught me doing you know what. That was a bit embarassing.

Other then that nothign to major at the moment

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http://img362.imageshack.us/img362/8521/windows981dk.jpg

Nickelplate is my dad

Finger said:
Mom walks in on me uhm.... 'doing something I wouldn't want to be caught dead doing'.

Similar to one of mine, except it was my grandma.

If someone walked in on me... doing that... I'd be more embarassed about my lack of self control. Its not like you have to do it 5 times a day or anything, and like people have said, it makes sense to wait for everyone to go to bed/leave the house.

Anyway, I cant think of anything embarassing I'm willing to put on a public forum... at least not at the moment.

---

"If you talk at all during this lesson, you have detention. Do you understand?"

• My yr11 Economics teacher

She was pretty hot, but underaged too.

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"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -- Toulouse-Lautre, Moulin Rouge

because if you say you never have and you don't I'll stab you in the face.

I never have and I don't. But put away your knife, I can lucid-dream on-demand.

My most embarrassing situation was when CSI Episode 4X06 "Fur and Loathing" was finally aired down here and a bunch of people at my school took it at face value. But that was then. This is now. Surely you guys don't think that of me?

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Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.

Foxpup said:
My most embarrassing situation was when CSI
Episode 4X06 "Fur and Loathing" was finally aired down here and a bunch
of people at my school took it at face value. But that was then. This
is now. Surely you guys don't think that of me?

I'm confused.

Aw yes I remember that episode. I wouldn't worry too much though. People are stupid.

back when i was a skater, my friends took me to a skating park, where all the good skaters were (i wasn't a good skater...at all, still suck..), so i was standing there, waiting for some room to do some stuff, and then suddenly, everyone just stopped and i was like "yay, room for me", what i didn't see was this super elite skater, approaching from the left, trying to pull off some awesome stunt, so i crashed right into him, and everyone was like "NOOOooo :evilgrin: ), and i was like "f**k :>"

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Boo f**king Hoo

Spartan said:
Aw yes I remember that episode. I wouldn't worry too much though. People are stupid.

GAAARG!! What Episode! Addicted to Morphine and I need explanation.

Wil5on: Yeah, really. Just wait til ppl leave.

Do you HAVE to do it in the backseat when your parents are sitting in the front? lol

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

I haven't been walked in on yet, though it was really close the other day. Scary. I walked in on my brother once doing it though, hilarious if disturbing. I didn't need to see his creamy white buttocks. Oh god, I can still picture it... OH GOD.

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One day you'll know what you're talking about, I can hardly imagine

Maps! - Audio blog!

I haven't been walked in on yet, though it was really close the other day. Scary. I walked in on my brother once doing it though, hilarious if disturbing. I didn't need to see his creamy white buttocks. Oh god, I can still picture it... OH GOD.

I bet you liked seeing that hugh :smile:

He saw creamy white somethin' WHOOOOOOO!

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

GAAARG!! What Episode! Addicted to Morphine and I need explanation.

Transcript of "Fur and Loathing":
www.crimelab.nl/transcripts.php?series=1&season=4&episode=6

"This Judgemental Little Business" (A Furry history lesson):
www.furrydolphin.net/why-us-furries.html

Hopefully that should explain it.

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Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.

Oh. I already knew about "furries." I REALLY don't understand what they see in it though...

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

diablo said:
<DIV class=quote>
<DIV class=quotetitle>? quoting Finger</DIV>
<DIV class=quotetext>Mom walks in on me uhm.... 'doing something I wouldn't want to be caught dead doing'.

Similar to one of mine, except it was my grandma.</div></div>

Actually guys, I'd not get worried unless Grandma takes it upon herself to show you a thing or two. :eek:

I have no embarrassing stories of my own to tell right now, but I was listening to a grand parent talk about grandpa coming in with calf poop on the front of his overalls once. I was a bit queasy for a time after I realized that she knew exactly how it got there and didn't mind since it took his mind off of her backside. :rolleyes:

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The best things in life, aren't things.

I REALLY don't understand what they see in it though...

You just don't get it, do you?

---

Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.

We're talking about the people who like anthropomorphised cartoon animal porn, right?

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

We're talking about the people who like anthropomorphised cartoon animal porn, right?

Apart from the porn, yes. (Well, some furs like that stuff, but most don't.)

---

Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.

That's all I ever see from the furry community. Animal porn. :sad:

---

I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

So Fox, are you a furry, or are you just interested in them?

---

"If you talk at all during this lesson, you have detention. Do you understand?"

• My yr11 Economics teacher

It appears that I have somehow managed to completely derail this thread without even trying. Just in case anyone here doesn't already know, I AM FURRY. I really just fail to see the relevance.

That's all I ever see from the furry community. Animal porn. :sad:

Whatever. All I know is, VCL is completely uncensored, yet somehow I managed to find this in about 5 seconds. us-p.vclart.net/vcl/Artists/StarFighter/female_fox_rambo%3F.png So now you've seen something else.

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Better to be in denial than to be human.

Bill Gates understands binary: his company is number one, and his customers are all zeros.

Foxpup said:
I AM FURRY. I really just fail to see the relevance.

I am trying disagree, honest but... I have to concur. You are of no relevance at all.

/runs

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The best things in life, aren't things.

That female fox has T.H.O. lol

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I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
http://www.dimebowl.com

Nickelplate said:
That female fox has T.H.O. lol

She might have T.H.C. as well, if she has enough foresight to keep the bong hidden.

enter cheap drum sound

ba damdum.

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The best things in life, aren't things.

THO and THC? me no understand

Haha Orph, that joke was so bad I just had to laugh at it. It made me wish I had a "stinky joke" smiley face.

I also find it sad that I knew immediately what T.H.O. stood for.

Edit for Spartan: T.H.O. = Titty Hard On, and THC = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetrahydrocannabinol