The Story, A Dramatic Tale in Hundreds of Parts

...

the moneky beat the s**t out of the clowns because they looked like ICP. then the monkey joined forces with MC hammer, Vanilla Ice, and Mr. T. The reason for their plot to take over the world was because chuck norris was goign ot beat them to it..... lets face no one likes chuck norris. anyways, their arch enemy planned on taking over the world with a global gift card scheme known as simons, he has already taken down the us government and parts of Bulgaria he has also broght his massive armies of ethepoien children and overweight people of the world, and leading general MacGyver we have no chance...... we have no chance to survive make your time.......

machine now!"

Just as we were planning the design of the time machine [ i wanted it to be pink :rolleyes: ] Insane clown posse jumped to life and slaughtered MC. hammer for his terrible rhymes, decapitated Mr.T for his OTT acting which left vinnila ice to run outta the door soiling himself and shouting some rather inadaquete language.

Then ICP realized their music sux.

And made an worthy attemped of jumping of the statue of liberty, whilst taking eminem down with them. Thus ending thier career, and eminems.

slowly, the blackness fades from my eyes as I awaken in an unfamiliar, but at the same time, not so unfamiliar, place.

a dull pain, vivid images of nazi-chickens, molecular ants, and smart blondes, were all competing for ownership of my brain. maybe i'd been spiked with something. Rubbing my eyes I look around to see where i am.

It is a small, empty room with a wooden door. There is no furniture nor any windows- nothing but a lightbulb hanging from the ceiling which illuminates the plain, white walls. I start walking for the door.............................................

:biggrin:

and an overwhelming feeling of d?j? vu comes over me. "Am I in some kind of alternate reality?" I cant help but wonder to myself.

Opening the door (for the 3rd time), I look through and see the inside of a movie theatre. I step inside and, closing the door behind me, I notice the lit-up sign above my head saying, "EXIT".

I then take a seat and start watching...

tramps fight to the death over precious and perhaps delicious kernels
of popcorn. Watching their entertaining albeit malnourished tussle I
realize...

... I've transformed into an especially buttery and delicious kernel of
popcorn! The tramps slowly begin to sniff the air, pinpointing my
location. I tried to run, but I was a f**king piece of popcorn! They
slowly surrounded me, salivating like dogs! Over time, however...

...I started to grow into...

A temporary beanstalk, sprung over with lucious green tropical leaves

i climbed this temporay beanstalk only to realize that it doesnt go anywehre and its only temporary, it started to dissappear as I got closer to the top.....

As it started to fade away I wondered how I could be climbing myself,
musing on this paradoxial question I reached the top of the rapidly
fading beanstalk, there I saw...

A machine with "Gubernator 3000" printed on it, in pale blue ... I
wondered what this thing would do and stepped closer ... suddenly

the beanstalk whose leaf I was standing on dissapeared! I started
to fall up? watching the ground receed beneath my feet I
realized...

that I was not falling up... I was ascending! 'Ascending to where?' I
bellowed loudly, disturbing some nearby clouds. Was I on my undeserved
way to heaven or was a more fitting fate in store for me? These
thoughts coulded my head when out of nowhere...

...a giant hand...

...smacked the leaf back downwards, bellowing "you're too early, come back later"...

(pause for effect)

i started towards the ground at an amazing speed of eleventy seventy miles per hours and hit the side of the................

until i found this nifty key scoth taped to the side of the c**k pit door? and i used all of my magical powers and opened up the door only to find........

Let it happen.

I was in a bad mood, which noone could blame me for all things considered, however...

my decision did not falter.

So here I am plummeting watching the passengers spew out of the plane like water out of a broken pipe ... I heard landing on water from this distance would be much like landing on concrete from a ten story building ... interesting.

Now, I really thought that my day could not possibly go any worse, entrails and all...

...I was wrong. Mars attacked

I awoke from my nonsensical and poorly structured dream with a syringe in my arm and a searing pain in my...

i saw.... the sound of silence, and then i walked alone down a narrow street of cobble stone.

I thought there might be something wrong with me, Since I started seeing sounds.

It just turned out to be a new ability, a small taste of my awareness of everything around me.

Either that or I was halucinating being in a poorly remembered film...

Turning the corner I saw

A neurologists office. I entered cautiously and booked an appointment.
A few hours later I learned my 'new ability' was actually a product of
a severe brain lesion. I decided to...

leave my brain the way it was, because seeing sounds is pretty nice.

but the doctor thought otherwise...

and strapped me to the operating table, setting up his tools he asked me...

"Have you ever been interested in the exciting world of Scientific Medicine? I certainly could use an intern" ...

"...al probe to discover the reason for this rather exotic sensory anomaly. I shall now insert this..."

"...albino drunken middle-aged irishman with a dashing hat..."

"Nooooooooo" I screamed as the full horror of the situation dawned on me. "Not the hat! for Christ's sake make him remove the hat"!

The doctor grinned maliciously as he ....

removed his hat.

..to reveal another, smaller hat.

i decided to fake an orgasm

"Ahah, I perceive the smaller helmet is more to your taste, Mr Bond" said the doctor. "A condition not unknown to me. Perhaps I should..."

make an appointment for lunch with

...Von Leibnitz, the maniacal milliner of Munchen. He has...."

...a stockpile of Funyuns, which are mighty tasty."

My heart sank. What is an onion flavoured ring? How can this disturbing condition be circumvented? Taking a deep breath I...

remember he called me Mr.Bond, I thought to myself, what would bond do in a situation like this? I used the lugar to shoot of the cuffs holding me down to the table. And ran for the door.

And ran for the door is what I did. Right bloody into it.

Clumsy me, I've blacked out now.

I woke up and realised running into the door was a dream, I thought
Bond aint clumsy and realised i was still strapped to the table but my
Luger was gone...