Q: How do you say Volkswagen in Italian?

A: Fiat.

---

Also change the texture of the dock. Docks are rarely tile. -Facepunch
As I Lay Dying

Before I say this joke I just want to let everybody know I am NOT raceist. I am not intending to offend anyone. Its just thet my Dad really lughed at this joke.

Theres a Black guy and a Lebanese guy in a car. Who's driving the car?

The cop. HA HA HA HA, no.

... :shocked:

---

Aaron's Stuff

How did the Scotsman find the sheep in the tall grass? (Black text punchline)

Very Satisfying!

---

Some people are like slinkys...

They aren?t really good for anything, but you can't help but laugh when one tumbles down the stairs.

Q> When do you slap a midget?

A> When he tells you, "your hair smells terrific..."

---

don't sweat the petty stuff,just pet the sweaty stuff.

The truth about snopes.com

---

Why snark works.

xkcd is a great webcomic. It's one of my regulars.

---

Also change the texture of the dock. Docks are rarely tile. -Facepunch
As I Lay Dying

two men were talking and the one said, "My wifes favorite sexual position is doggystyle."

The other guy says,"Thats the best one." The other man replies,"Like hell, I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oK2RfA1Ga0o

---

o

@ Gmod downloads forums..

<silver> the ground's texture sucks ass,but this map is so fun XD
<Mr Squishy> LETS ALL EAT MEATBALLS!!!!
<chrischrischris> no lets just eat my balls....... feast on me........i squrit it all over your face
<mr colgate> It is small...
<zachcool> does this work with gmod9? hope so looks cool. :biggrin:
<Negative> zachcool, read above: UPLOAD GMOD 10 FILES ONLY
<lol dude> this is the best map ever!
<ryansg> I LOVE APPLE PIES
<timmyleet> Ah i remeber this map. First map i played when i got HL2 in Oct 31 (HAHA YES I WAS UP ALL NIGHT PLAYING IT THAT DAY)

^-- hmm.. lol

Calling that a stream of consciousness would be an overstatement. Calling it communication would be an outright lie.

---

o

How did the Scotsman find the sheep in the tall grass? (Black text punchline)

Very Satisfying!

That's welshman :razz:

Two nus in a bath, one says to the other "wheres the soap". The other says "yes it does doesn't it".

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)

Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?
A: Squash

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

Q: The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?
A: The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.

Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won't close.

Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.

Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.

Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?
A: No, of course not. Must work then :smile:

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 8kph.

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside.

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.

Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.

Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed?
A: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.

Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

---

SourDough2.0 - With Strawberry Jam

Hah, I f**king died during that dude.

Good show, good show.

---

o

Haha Rumple that was awesome.

They should have done a follow-up story... lol, good one.

---

Blog: www.playingarchitecture.net
LinkedIn: Eric Lancon
Twitter:@Riven202

Hah Baron, I remember hearing about that... f**kin' hilarious.

@ Baron.

---

Why snark works.

@ Baron, at the lady!!!

edit: No sorry, w-i-t-h baron.

---

Aaron's Stuff

<span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana;">I think I want to rape and kill her.
Edit: hmm judging by the picture i'd settle with just killing her, or possibly killing her twice. ah, the possibilities!</span>

http://www.break.com/index/microsoft-surface-technology-parody.html I appreciated this.

That was great, Redwood!

---

Also change the texture of the dock. Docks are rarely tile. -Facepunch
As I Lay Dying

RedWood said:
http://www.break.com/index/microsoft-surface-technology-parody.html I appreciated this.

haha

---

What the Snarkpitters listen to!

That is hilarious. Love that voice over. Perfect pitch.

The future is you!

---

Why snark works.

http://www.break.com/index/microsoft-surface-technology-parody.html I appreciated this.

In a word....awesome.

---

Posting And You

That video is win.

---

"If you talk at all during this lesson, you have detention. Do you understand?"

• My yr11 Economics teacher

The future is here, and it's not an iPhone, it's a bigass table. Take that Apple.

lol

---

o

The funny thing is that when I saw the original video I thought that Surface looked pretty cool, but when I watched the parody I felt like it was nothing but crap.

---

What the Snarkpitters listen to!

i always thought it was crap, so that makes it extra funny :smile:

I wish I could find those old Internet ads from the early 1990ies floating around youtube. They feel exactly the same.

---

Why snark works.

Kim Jong Il paintings ftw

and if it couldn't get any better:

http://a1692.g.akamai.net/f/1692/2042/7d/correcteurs.blog.lemonde.fr/files/kim.JPG

huuu

---

Why snark works.

Dude, are those available in wallpaper size? Those paintings are completely my speed.

Edit: Ten minute search did not return any wallpapers of the afforementioned paintings, but I did
find a portrait gallery of some guy who
paints pictures of world
leaders as babies. Most of them are just being babies, but Kim
Jong-Il seems ready to brutally force a nation to worship him
already. Tony Blair and Condoleeza Rica are also pretty funny
looking.

I couldn't find bigger pics, they seem to be quite rare on the net. Considering this is the only kind of art allowed in North Korea (I guess) there must be tons of that stuff!

---

Why snark works.

This struck me as funny. It's a segment out of an article from a newsweek blog I stumbled upon (sadly not using "Stumble Upon", I had to uninstall that, I was wasting too much time). The article is babbling about how game companies (should) release bad news way before E3, specifically talking about the Wii name "bomb" and now the news that Smash Bros. will not be playable at E3.

some guy who has a newsweek blog said:
...

Today, it is the PS3 fan who gently weeps. It is the Xbox 360 aficionado who alternates between the bravado of the front-runner and the abject terror at the possibility inevitability that the dreaded "Red Ring of Death" will claim his beloved white chill box. (Hey, things break, right?) And it is the Nintendo stalwart, he or she who stuck by the company through its downward spiral--we speak here of market share and cultural relevance--who now chortles as the Wii displays more momentum than Barack Obama; while Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime shrugs at his rivals' woes as if to say, "Not my problem;" as all-smiles GIFs of Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata and design legend Shigeru Miyamoto under the banner "It Prints Money!!!" proliferate throughout the interwebs. What a difference a year makes.

...

Here's what he's talking about.

---

Blame it on Microsoft, God does.

Nintendo is sooooo evil . So very very EVIL !!!

---

Aaron's Stuff

A guy died and woke up to find he was in Hell. He was really depressed as he stood in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thought to himself, "I know I led a wild life, but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this."

Looking up he saw that it was his turn to be processed into Hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walked up to the counselor.

The counselor said, "What's the problem, you look depressed?"

The man responded, "Well, what do you think? I'm in Hell."

The counselor said, "Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?"

The man said, "Sure, I love to drink."

The counselor replied, "Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much as you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?"

The man said, "Yes, as a matter of fact I do."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?"

The man said, "Well in my younger days I experimented a little; never inhaled."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?"

The man said, "Yes, I love to gamble."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night--black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?"

The man said, "Well, no I'm not."

The counselor replied, "Oh, you're going to hate Fridays then!"

---

i eat paint

This is so inappropriate; It just made me laugh.

---

Reality has become a commodity.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yqwnwk6LZFs

Haha, the future of gaming! (i.e. Birth rate drops...)

and,

A funny late night euro (non-UK) halo advertisement!

---

Blog: www.playingarchitecture.net
LinkedIn: Eric Lancon
Twitter:@Riven202

That was an accurate description of aaron_da_killa's worldview.

---

Why snark works.

I recently bought a game but it keeps crashing. Anyone have ideas? It's called Colin Mcrea Flight Simulator.

A leper walked into a bar and sat down.
The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."
The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you.
That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

From Saddams Sick Jokes

Boy this is getting ugly.

---

Why snark works.

Haha, the future of gaming! (i.e. Birth rate drops...)
and,
A funny late night euro (non-UK) halo advertisement!

haha

Some quotes from the harry potter books:

"Don't put your wand there, boy!" roared Moody.

"He [Harry] tried to eat, but it was like chewing carpet."

"But whether James really did take off Snape's pants, Harry never found out."

"Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry." said Hermione.

"What did he do to you, Diddy?" Aunt Pentunia said in a quavering
voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley's leather jacket.
"Was it-- was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use-- his thing?"

"... every part of him screaming for release, Harry felt the creature use him again..."

"There's only so many times you can polish a Prefect badge."

"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control."

"He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor."

"He bit hard on his pillow, to stop himself from making a noise."

that made my day!

Ewww... I'm glad I don't read that stuff.

---

Why snark works.

idd, harry potter is a dirty dirty book :smile: .

i had a laugh at this forum thread.

aaron moves up a peg, tbh.

---

i eat paint